Conflict is a normal part of relationships and lesbian relationships are no exception. Since you can't avoid conflict in your relationship, I've provided five tips on how to do it in a healthy, positive way that leaves both of you feeling great.
1. Don't Threaten to Leave
Don't threaten to leave the relationship just to get your way. Threatening to leave the relationship creates instability, insecurity and resentment. You can't have a healthy relationship if you use threats to get your point across.
2. Respect
Respect your significant others views, needs and emotional response. Conflict is a normal part of every relationship and can be a healthy way to resolve problems. Listen to her concerns calmly, tell her your concerns without attacking her, and look for solutions. Respect each other and it will be easier to find middle ground.
3. Set Rules
Create a couple of rules for conflict in your relationship. For example, my wife and I never threaten to leave and we never swear at each other. Sit down with each other and set some basic ground rules (make sure each person gets a chance to set a rule). Once you have your rules, stick to them!
4. Know Your Emotional Limit
We all have a point emotionally when we become irrational. Know where that point is for you and avoid conflict once you reach each it. Let your significant other know that you need some time to cool down. Go into another room or for a walk. Do something to release the emotional tension like listen to music, go jogging or scream into a pillow. When you are centered again, try to talk about the issue calmly.
5. Work to Resolve Issues
Don't just fight for the sake of fighting. Use conflict to make your relationship better. Work on figuring out what the problem is and how to solve it. Sometimes the issues you fight about are symptoms of the problem. If you fight about the same thing over and over again, look deeper into what the fight may really be about. Try discussing your concerns when you are both calm and collected, instead of when you are hurt and angry.
Conflict is a natural part of your relationship but using conflict as a platform to hurt each other will end up destroying an otherwise great relationship. Incorporate these five strategies into your relationship now and enjoy a happier, healthier relationship in the future!
Christine Dunn is the "Lesbian Love Guru." She is a relationship coach specialized in helping lesbians create fulfilling relationships. With cutting edge tools and strategies, she teaches them how to communicate more effective, work through problems and re-ignite the love and passion in their relationships.
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