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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Working With Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Clients

Last Tuesday (12th October 2010) was "National Coming out Day" in the UK. To quote Wikipedia, this is "an internationally observed civil awareness day for coming out and discussion about gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual and transgender (LGBT) issues". It seems appropriate then, for this week's blog post to be about working with gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender clients.

I'll start off with stating that I don't give two hoots whether you are gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual or transgender. We are all OK and there are no goods or bads, rights or wrongs, there's just us.

I believe that human sexuality is a continuum, it's a grey scale and we are all somewhere on it. This seems to be backed up by research by Kinsey (1953) and Klein (1985). Klein went further and suggested that there is fluidity to our sexuality throughout time. There is no doubt in my mind that our sexuality plays an important part of defining who we are and this is an issue that we all must examine regardless of our sexual orientation.

As part of my therapeutic practice, I regularly work with lesbian, gay and bisexual clients and same-sex couples. My pointer is towards the heterosexual side of that grey scale. I think it's important to explore how I, a straight man, can work effectively with lesbian, gay and bisexual clients. If I have never experienced the many issues that lesbian, gay and bisexual people face growing up or in their everyday lives as a result of the homophobia and heterosexism inherent in our society, then how could I help?

For me it's about becoming aware of the issues that only my gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender clients face. It's also being honest with my clients and having a dialogue about how sometimes I may miss the significance of something in their life because I have had no experience of it myself. I always endevour to create a relationship whereby I can learn from my clients just as they learn from me. I work hard to keep up to date with current literature on LGBT issues and I talk to my lesbian and gay friends about their life experiences (though, if I'm honest, we actually spend more time talking about who put in the best performance on X-factor!).

Issues that need accounting for with gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender clients.

Societal oppression - It wasn't too many years ago that homosexuality was illegal in this country. In the USA, LGBT couples still have few rights in some states.

Homophobia - Within society this can take many forms from violence and victimization to subtle discrimination in the workplace. Some LGBT people lose contact with family and friends as a result of coming out. Others dare not come out for fear of losing those around them that they love or of persecution from others who would not accept their sexuality.

Heterosexism - the belief that opposite sex relationships are superior to same sex relationships. This sometimes has a major impact on same sex couples both from the perception of the validity of their relationship from society, but also the acknowledgment of their relationship from their family and friends.

Internalised Homophobia - The feelings that some LGBT individuals have that they are "defective" which can result in self-hatred, guilt and lack of belief that they could ever have a successful same sex relationship. We can work through these issues in therapy and it can sometimes be a slow and painful process that leads to self-acceptance and pride in who they are.

Issues only same-sex couples have to deal with:

Homophobia and heterosexism in the community - this can create fear about committing to a same sex long term relationship for some lesbian and gay people.

Lack of "role models" for how to have a same sex relationship - this can lead to confusion over boundaries, expectations and obligations within the relationship.

Generally lower levels of family support - When things get tough some LGBT couples find it difficult to get help, advice and support from their family.

The same-sex nature of the relationship increases the chances of certain problems if both partners conform to traditional gender roles - Lesbian couples can have problems with emotional fusion whilst gay men may find they are emotionally disengaged from each other or in competition.

Bisexual clients may have to deal with another set of issues all together, including the confusing state of being "too queer" for heterosexual society and "not queer enough" for the homosexual one.

I'm not for a minute suggesting that these issues would be the focus of the work I do with a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender client. We all bring our own stuff to therapy regardless of our sexuality. What I'm saying is that these issues need to be kept in mind and tackled when they come up. I don't need to be gay to do that, just as I don't need to be black in order to empathise with the pain of being racially discriminated against.

Ultimately for me, I like working with people. I get a buzz out of helping people change, grow and realise their potential. Whether you are straight or gay, black, blue or green, I'm there for you if you need the support.

References

Kinsey, A.C., Pomeroy, W.B., & martin, C.E (1953). Sexual behaviour in the human male. Philadelphia: W.B. Saunders Company.

Klein, F., Sepekoff, B, & Wolf, T.J (1985). Sexual orientation: A multi-variable dynamic process. Journal of Homosexuality, 11 (1/2), 35-50.

If you need more help, advice or support on lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender issues I can recommend the Lesbian and Gay Foundation, which is based in Manchester.

Ian Tomlinson runs Manchester Psychotherapy and provides therapy and counselling in Manchester.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ian_Tomlinson

Gay And Lesbian Marriage In The Church

Written from a heterosexual Christian perspective (Bible quotes taken from the NIV) sure to anger people on both sides.

She's... goin' to the chapel and she's... gonna get married. Today, my youngest cousin is getting married. She seems excited, hopefully committed, and "in love." The ceremony will take place in a small church in a fairly quiet southern city. The same church she and her girlfriend have been attending for a few years now. None of her family will attend (I would actually but can't). In fact, no one in her family approves of this marriage. This is the Bible Belt after all and marriage is clearly defined as a sacred union between a man and a woman right? Or a man and several women? Many of the passages in the Bible that are used for our modern Christian definition of marriage have been taken from the Old Testament where some of the biggest heroes also come packing multiple wives (no need for divorce, just marry someone else and put the old wife on kitchen duty). I'm not saying that I, personally, don't believe marriage should be between one man and one woman but you can bet my wife does! What I am saying is that it's possible to try applying verses in situations where they don't quite fit. Like the one that says we should throw rocks at a woman caught cheating on her husband until she's dead.

Will The Real Judge Please Stand Up! A few thousand years ago a woman was dragged to the temple (the center of worship and law in Jerusalem) where Jesus was teaching. Those that brought her were the religious leaders of the day- beyond rebuke and full of authority. Her's was an open and shut case: she was caught in the act of adultery! She had no excuse and the penalty was clear and precise: death by stoning. Of course, these religious hypocrites were just using this woman's situation to trap Jesus into denying the law of Moses (I think they knew he would never stomach the cruel death of a wayward woman) but I also think they came fully prepared to carry the death sentence out. Finally, Jesus spoke. He told the angry crowd that the one without sin should cast the first stone. And only Jesus qualified. Only Jesus ever does. One by one they dropped their stones and walked away. Not surprisingly, the older men left first. When they were all gone he asked the woman where her accusers were. He asked her who, after examining their own hearts, still had the gall to claim a pure and sinless life to throw that first stone. She replied "No one, sir." Now, Jesus didn't excuse adultery. He didn't say adultery was natural and should be celebrated. But he did say "Then neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more." True to form, his words are both merciful and righteous. He had nothing positive to say about her actions- he didn't celebrate adultery- but the only thing he threw at this guilty woman was mercy. It's interesting to note that the only execution Jesus openly approved of was his own.

Sin Or Not Sin? This is where the discussion gets offensive to many people. Even though I am convinced that it isn't some "super sin" towering above many others that we tolerate (gluttony, greed, laziness, lying, coveting, lust, wrath, etc.), it is still a sin according to the Bible. I've read some pretty deep commentaries trying to spin it the other way but nothing convincing. You may as well use the Bible to argue that lust and greed aren't sins as well. And, like every sin, it comes with its own peculiar set of consequences and challenges. I will say this though- I think it's a lot more complicated than I was ever taught in Sunday school!

But Isn't Homosexuality A Unique Sin? Sin is a curious snake. When it points to something in my life, especially something I have little-to-no control over, then I think of it in different terms. Words like: struggle, shortcoming, personality, bad habit, flaw, imperfection, quirk, addiction, etc. All words that put sin against God in a softer light. Some even shifting the blame from my shoulders entirely! When it points to something that I don't understand and have no sympathy for or temptation with, then it becomes black and white: SIN. Homosexuality might seem unique to me but to God it just gets in line on the sin list and waits, like the rest, to be wiped out one day. In fact, here's a couple of lists (including homosexuality) that will damn you to hell. "But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars-they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death." (Rev 21:8) "Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Cor 6:9-11). The best sin list, in my opinion, is the one Jesus makes us assume with a simple and impossible command: "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matt 5:48). I might be able to duck, dodge and dive my way out of Paul & John's lists but Jesus leaves no wiggle room. We are all sinful and our only hope is for a perfect savior to miraculously take our sins away and give us a righteousness that we had no power to earn. A washing we can't do, a sanctification we can't comprehend and a justification we don't deserve. Paul penned another sin list in his first letter to Timothy. It included all the usual things (including sexual immorality) and ended on, what would seem at first glance, an odd note for the holy apostle used to communicate almost half of the new testament: "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life." (1 Tim 1:15-16). Is homosexuality a unique sin? Only if all other sins are unique as well. Does it seem weird to me? Yes... but only because I don't struggle (there's that soft word) with it like I do many other sins. What I'm trying to say might become more clear when compared with another sexual sin... say, adultery.

Adultery Vs. Homosexuality: Cage Match! Just to put things in perspective, try doing a quick search over at BibleGateway for the two words. Different translations slightly skew the results but even the anti-gay picketers would have to admit that the Bible has a lot more to say about adultery than it does homosexuality. It strikes me as odd that the church should come down so hard on this type of illegitimate union when 2nd, 3rd, and even 14th marriages just get a head-shaking sigh. After all, it was adultery (not homosexuality) that made it in the big ten chiseled on stone at Mt. Sinai... coming in at number seven. And, before we start looking down on these horrible adulterers, we should hear what Jesus (the one whose judgement counts) considers to be adultery: "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery." And if that doesn't seem bleak enough for you: "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Mark 5)This face off between adultery & homosexuality was just a gimmick to try illustrating the fact that we're all on the same sinking ship of sin. If adultery doesn't hit your heart, replace it with the biggest thorn in your flesh. Anyone who claims any merit outside of Christ is on dangerous ground. And really, only those who believe they have no sin should worry (but those "holy people" won't read this far anyway).

Born That Way? A large number of people believe homosexuals chose their sexual disposition (maybe a subconscious act of immoral rebellion?). And a large number of people believe homosexuals were born that way (a side-effect of the fall... maybe genetic confusion?). This is anecdotal but, I was born heterosexual. I never chose to be straight (I just am) and I sure wouldn't choose to be gay. And I think I am both natural and normal in that respect. I'm definitely not perfect- I sin everyday- and I don't feel better than any of the homosexuals I've known but it's just not my particular weakness. I would hope most gays and lesbians could admit that the heterosexual model is natural- what we were designed for and what brought them life. And, to be blunt, the Bible does refer to homosexuality as unnatural (Rev 1:26-27). No homosexual would be alive today were it not for the natural union between a man and a woman. But back to the question of choice... There's an odd passage in Romans that has always puzzled me: "...God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another." (Rom 1:26-27) My question comes at the beginning: "God gave them over..." Does that mean they were already leaning toward homosexuality and God just threw up His hands or does it mean that God caused this sexual confusion as a form of punishment? If we use that passage alone, it looks like these "shameful lusts" were not explicitly chosen. The first chapter of Romans is pretty dark. I'm glad it has a few more chapters! I should also add that it's not really our place to judge whether or not someone was born gay. It's enough to know we are all sinful. Here's another relevant passage: "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things." (Rom 2:1)

So What's A Homosexual To Do? I guess the same thing the rest of us sinners do... put all their chips down on Christ and what He accomplished on the cross. Trust God. If you keep reading Romans, if you can make it through the harsh state of things at the beginning, there is a bright light of hope for all us sinners. "Now to the one who works, wages are not credited as a gift but as an obligation. However, to the one who does not work but trusts God who justifies the ungodly, their faith is credited as righteousness." (Romans 4:4-5) Does that mean we can just keep on sinning because God will save us regardless as long as we put our faith in Jesus? No, it doesn't. But we will and God knows our hearts- He knew the only way to save us sinners was to provide both our forgiveness (through Christ's sacrifice) and our righteousness (through Christ's perfect life) until the day all sin is destroyed. This world and all the sinfulness in it will pass away and those with faith in Jesus Christ will be cleansed and renewed in holiness, no longer sinful by nature but as they were meant to be in the beginning: innocent and pure. Until then, we're all sinners in need of grace and love.

Nathan is currently exploring grace at http://www.AnotherSinner.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nathan_O'Neal

Free Gay Chatrooms

Do a search for 'free gay chat rooms' and a giant list comes up however so many of them say they are free and are really not. Gay chat rooms are quite often the target for gay bashers and people who visit these free gay chat rooms that are not gay and are there just to harass people. There are 2 totally free chat rooms online. The great thing is that these chatrooms are part of a larger and legit gay dating community and website.

There is Pride gay chat. Pride has both regular and even webcam chat if you want things to get a little more personal. The only requirement to participate is that you create a free profile which really only takes about 5 minutes and then you have full and complete access to all their introduction services including the free gay chat rooms.

Metrodate gay chatrooms is for both gay and lesbian singles and is quite large. Like the Pride rooms the only requirement to participate is that you create a free and brief profile so you don't show up in the chat list as 'guest12234' which is anything but intimate and personal. The only downside to Metrodate chat is you must be a United States citizen.

These two free chatrooms are both totally free and safe. At anytime you wish you can also take advantage of their free gay dating services as well as another avenue to meet gay singles online. The important thing, however, is that they are both free.

Pride Free Chatrooms | Metrodates Gay Chatrooms

Visit the largest dating list online for a list of both gay dating sites and lesbian dating sites.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shannon_Sapperstein

Valentine's Day Couple Gift Ideas For Gays and Lesbians

Valentine's Day is about every couple's love, so don't settle for gifts intended for a straight market. Choose sites that specialize in romantic gifts for gay couples and lesbian couples for your Valentine's Day shopping. Of course, just offering Valentine's gifts for gays and lesbians is not enough. Your gift to your lover should express your own personal feelings. Love is the same for all couples, yet different for every couple, too. Sweetly paired gifts express "two in love" in a tangible way. They are perfect romantic Valentine's Day gifts for same-sex couples.

Every couple wants to find the gift that truly demonstrates their love for one another. You are more likely to succeed with sites that specialize in same-sex romantic gifts, and choosing paired gifts is the most romantic choice of all. Love has taught you that two is a powerful number, and twosome gifts reflect this. Valentines gift sets designed for gay romance and lesbian love reflect it in a way that is relevant for your relationship. Two in love share their hearts, and through that sharing their lives become one. Queer love gifts that come in twos are a creative and romantic way to symbolically express this, and are uniquely suited to showing your partner that you are sincerely committed. It is the perfect sentiment for Valentine's Day. Don't settle for generic candy and roses, there is a gift out there that exemplifies the heartfelt love you have for your partner.

Gifts designed for same-sex couples are good, but you want something more than that. Twosome gifts to share that also match your unique feelings make this Valentine's Day one to remember. We are not talking about monogrammed towels; we mean romantic gifts with a message. A message that spells out exactly what is in your heart. Gay love t-shirts show your commitment when you are side-by-side, and couple t-shirts expressing your love are a sweet reminder when you are apart, too. Maybe you don't want to wear your heart on your sleeve? Couple pillowcases for lesbians and gay partners show your dream partner your feelings while romantic, whimsical designs invite a Valentine's Day cuddle. Of course, Valentine's Day gifts for gay couples can be silly or sexy as well as sentimental. Funny gay gifts and naughty gifts tickle your lover's sense of humor and engage your sweetheart's sensual side. Find the perfect gift by shopping at sites that specialize in creative Valentine's Day gifts for gay and lesbian couples and offer something special for every unique relationship.

Finding Valentine's gifts for queer couples should be fun, not stressful. Guarantee a successful gift shopping experience by putting thought into what you want your gift's message to be. Look for sites that offer Valentine's gifts for gays and lesbians and have exclusive designs. Pay attention to their collection of paired gifts, those gifts you can enjoy together for an extra-special Valentine's Day. And remember that whether you are looking for gay gifts or gifts for lesbian couples, the best choices are unique Valentine's Day gifts that express your heartfelt love.

Joyce Baker suggests TwosomeGifts.com, which specializes in paired gifts that celebrate Love's favorite number. The Valentine's Day collection of gifts for gay and lesbian couples offers romantic couple pillowcases, playful couple t-shirts, and funny bath towels. Choose TwosomeGifts.com today for all your gift needs, including creative gay wedding and anniversary gifts, too!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joyce_Baker

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Gay Men and Femininity: How Do You Cross Your Legs?

The complex issues of femininity and masculinity play a key role in the development of every gay man. Why are gay men ridiculed in our society? Essentially they are criticized for expressing traits that are considered "feminine". From an early age they learn that the way they walk or move, the way they cross their legs, the sound of their voice, or their personal interests do not match what is expected of men in this culture.

The process of unlearning these cultural "rules" of masculinity is an important task on the route to gay men's personal growth. While it may not take long to intellectually understand that these judgments about how a man should act are arbitrary, unfair and unnecessarily restricting, the process of fully releasing these destructive voices may require some deeper attention.

In my therapy practice gay men are often surprised that they still carry with them an inner homophobia that they assumed they had expelled years ago when they first came out. They see themselves as proud, out gay men and yet upon reflection they discover that they restrict themselves from crossing their legs at the knee, or allowing their wrists to move as they want, or carefully monitoring how they are viewed by strangers or family. The habitual self-editing ultimately can lead to an overall experience of feeling tired, "less-than", and insecure.

How can gay men let go of these deeply internalized, negative societal messages? Here are some suggestions:

–I Seek supportive friendships with other gay men. You must have contact with other gay men to fully heal the effects of inner homophobia. Look for friends who know how to support rather than criticize. Avoid or confront people who tease you-even in fun-for being "too gay".
–I Starting listening more closely to your internal dialogue. Where do you criticize yourself without even knowing it? When you catch yourself beating yourself up, take a breath, and then replace those statements with true, compassionate statements.
–I Notice how you move in your body. Do you celebrate how you move or do you control and restrict yourself? Find a safe place and safe people with whom you can practice moving in any way that feels natural and good to you without having to edit yourself.
–I Read affirming books about gay men. One of my favorite books about gay male development is The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs.

It is important not to underestimate the power of the surrounding culture to impact your self esteem. Rejecting and reframing those powerful cultural messages is a process that requires ongoing attention.

Adam D. Blum, MFT is a San Francisco psychotherapist specializing in self-esteem and relationship issues for gay men. He can be reached at 415-255-4266 or on his website at http://www.gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com. He writes a blog on this topic at http://www.gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com/blog.

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Thursday, November 3, 2011

Gay Marriage in California 2012

President Barak Obama recently abandoned support for the Defense of Marriage Act which defines the definition of marriage in the eyes of the Federal government as strictly between a man and a woman. This has signaled a major shit in both government as well as generational feelings on gay marriage. The impact could likely be felt in 2012 in California where the voters could take up the fight once again.

President Obama supports the Respect for Marriage Act, which would repeal the Defense of Marriage Act. The Obama administration announced that it believes the Defense of this Act is unconstitutional. The administration along with the Justice Department indicated it would no longer defend the Defense of Marriage Act in court. The respect for Marriage Act is authored by California's senior Senator Dian Feinstein who has repeatedly stated that the Defense of Marriage Act and Proposition 8 are acts of discrimination. It is important to note that though the Obama administration announced it would no longer defend the Defense of Marriage Act in court, it would however continue to enforce the law unless it is repealed.

Gay marriage in California has been in limbo since the voter passing of Proposition 8, which limited marriage to between a man and a woman. Since the passage of Proposition 8 in this past November's election, a San Francisco Federal judge ruled late last year that Proposition 8 was unconstitutional. And recommended that California cease enforcing it. There has seen been jockeying legal battles resulting in Proposition 8 remaining legal while opponents are still battling it out in the courts.

The abandonment of the Defense of this Act could pave the way for Proposition 8 to be declared unconstitutional in the state of California. Currently the Governor and Attorney General have refused to defend the ballot measure on the grounds it promotes discrimination. This could all potentially lead to a scenario where gay marriage is no longer a political issue in the state at least as far as ballot initiative is concerned.

However if the Defense of this Act does not make it through the Republican controlled House of Representatives, be prepared to see both sides gear up for another battle in California in 2012. Expect the issue to fall along party lines where Democrats, liberals, and progressive back same sex marriage while Republicans, religious groups, and conservatives do not.

We will keep you updated regularly on this particular topic over the coming days.

To learn more about California politics, please read more of my articles on California political party.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Bobby_John_Scott

Choosing the Perfect Gay Wedding Gift

Choosing a wedding gift for the same sex partner can sometimes be a little different than the traditional wedding purchase. Some couples may be merging two households into one and be over-run with pots and pans. Or maybe they have a honeymoon that they would like to put all their money into. They may have even just bought a caravan and would like some items for that. Whatever it is, it may be ideal for the couple to create a register.

If you are the one purchasing the gift, knowing the couples interests, needs or hobbies may be worthwhile. If you don't know the couple that well and don't have time to get in-touch with family members, a fine wine or liquor will always go down a treat. After all, they definitely have a reason to celebrate! If you have some extra cash, why not expand the wine into gift set - some nice goblets or champagne flutes are always handy. Or possibly a voucher to a top restaurant, where they can enjoy that nice bottle on their way or way back!

Help the couple build a nice cosy home, blankets, side tables, towels and kitchenware are always great presents. Or why not make it personalised? There are plenty of online silverware shops that will allow you to put their name or date onto the gift or gift box. Helping them to remember their special day.

Another route you could take would be to make a wedding present yourself? Maybe you could paint a photo and have framed - maybe even take a few photos you have of the happy couple and get professionally framed and mounted? If you are musically minded - why not write a song, compose a poem - something the happy couple will remember forever

You could offer to help out with something at the wedding rather than a present, maybe you could arrange all the flowers, or the cake - you could even bake and ice the cake yourself?

To summarise, whether you are a close friend to the couple or a distant relative there is plenty of inspiration for you to grab on the web. Have a look around at what is on offer whilst considering the couples needs/hobbies/interests. Remember, if you do not know their personal preference on a wedding gift, beverages and food compliments always go down well! Happy gift shopping.

matt @ Gay Wedding Central

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Matt_Mccarten

Therapy For Gay and Bisexual Men

Sexual identity and the adjustment to coming out as a gay or bisexual man can lead to many mental stresses for men in Chicago.

Therapy is designed to help men deal with coming out and living their lives as gay or bisexual men in Chicago without adding to the stresses that they already experience in life.

Some of the reasons that a gay man may choose therapy include but are in no way limited to the following:

Coming out to family- Many times this is the main hurdle that gay or bisexual men face. Wondering if they will be shunned or if people will be angry and un-accepting of their sexuality can lead to a great deal of stress, depression and anxiety. Therapy helps the patient and is available for family members as well in dealing with this often stunning revelation.

Career concerns- It is not uncommon for gay and bisexual men to be discriminated against in the workplace. While this is illegal it still occurs. Many gay and bisexual men in the Chicago area choose therapy to deal with their career concerns and the stress issues cause by them.

Relationship problems- Gay and bisexual men have relationship issues just like heterosexual couples do. They have to deal with jealousy, infidelity, and disapproval from friends, family and even strangers. Therapy can help gay or bisexual individuals or gay couples overcome the problems that arise in their relationship and work through them.

Emotional issues- The gay lifestyle and the pressures that are placed on gay men in Chicago and all over the world can lead to depression, anxiety, insomnia and can in turn cause severe health problems. Gay and bisexual men's therapy helps the man deal with all of the pressures in his life in a healthy way, by teaching him to manage the stresses in his life and work through the problems that arise.

Religious issues- Many times gay and bisexual men coming out to their families feel shunned or rejected when the family has strong religious views that sex with men is sinful. They may begin to doubt their faith and have questions about their religious upbringing. While therapists aren't religious leaders they provide an impartial outlook toward the stance of religion and homosexuality. A therapist can help a gay man come to terms with his sexuality and religious beliefs without judging or condemning him.

There are many ways in which therapy can help gay men in Chicago, and many therapists to choose from. Whether you are an individual gay man or part of a couple who are experiencing problems choosing a good therapist is the first step in overcoming them. From insecurity, to coping with your sexual identity in all aspects of your life, Chicago gay and bisexual men's therapy can help you.

Lisa is a freelance writer who enjoy writing on various topics.

You can learn more about therapy options available by visiting Richard Gleiner, LCSW, Chicago therapist, where you will work together with a qualified therapist so you can learn ways to cope better, to empower yourself, and to view things and deal with situations differently.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lisa_A_Mason

Gay Marriages Are Legal But They May Not Be Easy, And LGBT Relationship Counseling May Help

If you've been paying attention to the news, you already know that New York recently approved same-sex marriages for gay couples in the Empire State. Laws were passed and signed that allow gay people in New York to have all the same rights and responsibilities as straight people.

Meanwhile in California, the LGBTQ community are waiting for a decision from the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision was difficult for the state supreme court and is now being settled on a federal level, leaving the homosexual community in the Golden State in limbo for the time being. Hopefully soon Californians will enjoy the same level of freedoms and be able to pursue happy marriages with their partners.

But legalizing marriage is just part of it. Same sex marriage and relationships in the LGBT community are very similar to heterosexual marriage and relationships. As such they should be taken seriously by all those involved. Once we enter marriage, we enter into a contract, which has certain responsibilities.

In times past gays and homosexuals would live with a partner and not be required to bother with marital responsibilities. If one partner got angry or dissatisfied, then they could leave and be out of it with little issue. This is not so within marriage.

This is why it's so important to look into what it takes to make good, lasting relationships. We should consider what it takes to make a relationship work like compromise. What is it like to be in a relationship where you may not always get your own way? Many times people in relationships feel that they are giving 90% and only getting 10%.

These are the issues that the gay community must be concerned with, knowing that relationships take work and are a lot of responsibility. Additionally, it can be even more challenging for the LGBT community because of the discrimination and the negative attitudes held by members of the public. These are things which straight people don't have to worry about. There are also issues with trying to form a family and have children.

Another factor in the LGBTQ community is domestic violence. It does happen in the gay community. The core of all of this is the need and desire to be loved, and out of that there's raw feelings and emotions, and sometimes it leads to domestic violence. Unfortunately, sometimes the victims stay in a bad relationship or bad situation because of an overwhelming need to be loved. They may try to work it though even though it may not be the best option.

That's why it's time for the gay community to get serious about how they treat their partners. It's time to have a public discourse and establish what it means to have a caring and loving, long-lasting relationship. The LGBT community should consider what it means to be in a committed, monogamous relationship and how to make it work for both partners in a healthy way.

Here's to a successful and happy relationship between you and your loving partner.

Visit the friendly Good Shepherd Church in Pasadena. The Good Shepherd Church offers support and assistance to the LGBT community. More than a gay friendly church in Los Angeles- it's a church for everyone.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Patrick_Warren

Why Am I Still Single? A Gay Man's Question

Introduction

I'm so fed up with being a "nice guy" and getting nowhere for it. I continue to be perplexed by my situation and want to understand better why others act the way they do, what I am doing wrong, and what things I can do to improve myself. I'm not perfect and don't pretend to be. I'm not a model, but I'm often told by people that I'm "hot" and how nice and sweet I am. I am passionate and good in bed and believe I have a good personality and sense of humor. I have my own place, a new car, a great job, and I'm very successful in my career that holds a lot of promise for more growth and success. So I guess my biggest question is why am I alone? I treat the guys I have gone out with really well. Yet, it never seems to be enough. I just want to build a life with someone who has ambition, dreams, and who will love me and look out for me as I would for him. ---Gay Man, age 29

This young man is not alone with his predicament. Millions of singles, both gay and straight, face the same frustrations and challenges involved in their dating quests for their true life partners. Finding a compatible, quality guy to settle down with is one of the most important decisions you'll make, so it's important to assess how your dating experiences and choices are matching with your needs and goals, particularly if you've been dealing with a series of dating mishaps and disatisfactions. The question of "why am I still single?" is a very complex issue that can't be done justice with answering in a short article, but this piece will package some key points that will hopefully get you started with figuring out your own situation if you're pondering this common question; perhaps it will become a launching pad for you in approaching your dates differently.

Reasons Why We're Still Single

It certainly can be challenging trying to find a decent man to build your life with, someone who's got a good head on his shoulders and who's been able to overcome a lot of the garbage we gay men have to go through to feel ok about ourselves in this homophobic society. You feel like you're a motivated person with lots of potential and possibility ahead of you, driven to succeed and achieve.You also believe that you're a "good catch" and know that you have a lot to contribute and give in a romantic relationship if given the opportunity. But how do you find that in another guy?

There are a multitude of reasons why someone may still be single when they truly desire a relationship. Maybe they keep attracting the same kind of partner who's wrong for them, or they're unrealistic in their standards, or they have weak social and dating skills, or they fear losing their personal freedom, among many others. Many gay men have a difficult time establishing and maintaining intimate relationships because of internalized homophobia or intimacy fears. And then it becomes very easy to take on a "victim mentality" and become overly-focused on the flaws of the men we date. Taken a step further, one can then begin developing beliefs like "It's never going to happen for me; they always turn out to be such losers" or "Gay men aren't capable of having long-term relationships", among others. These are all false, of course, but easily born out of frustration and hopelessness.

The truth is, we can't change other people. What's most important at this juncture is to relax, take the emphasis off of the other guys and why they are the way they are, and put your energy into examining the role that you may play in this problem, because that's where the key to success is in you taking charge of your life and making personal changes where they're needed. Below are some suggestions to get you started in the right direction:

How To Increase Your Odds of Finding True Love

1. Be the best person you can be. Live your life to the fullest with no expectations of a relationship. You may be trying too hard at finding love and that can be sabotaging. Lead an active and fulfilling lifestyle with purpose, meaning, and passion, and like-minded people will be attracted and drawn to your energy. Build your support system too and keep dreaming big! Throw yourself into personal growth and boost your self-esteem and confidence and eliminate any fears you may have.

2. Know yourself completely and develop your vision. This is the most important step! Be very clear about who you are, what you want, and how you'll get it. Do this not only for your individual life, but also create a relationship and life partner vision. What are your needs, wants, values, and requirements for both? What's negotiable and what's non-negotiable? Be very specific.

3. When you begin dating, use this vision as your guide. Collect information and experiences from the men you date to gain a solid knowledge of who they are and make sure they're in alignment with your vision. At the first sight of a non-negotiable trait they possess, disengage to avoid getting more invested and keep searching. A lot of people ignore these signs and then they get in too deep. Avoid this trap!

4. Explore your past relationships with men. Do you see any patterns in the types of men you're attracted to or the type of relationships you've had? Are you continually getting involved with emotionally unavailable men? Are you projecting your own issues onto these men? Are you really ready for a relationship as much as you may want it? Do you have any unfinished business from a prior relationship that prevents you from being able to grieve it and let it go? These are all things to consider as you do your self-analysis.

5. Identify your relationship beliefs. These pre-conceived notions and thoughts may be holding you back and sabotaging your efforts. Some examples of self-defeating thoughts might include: "All the good ones are taken"; "Gay relationships don't last"; "I failed at relationships before, so I will again"; "Gay men can't commit. I'll be alone forever", etc. Work at creating new beliefs to dispute these and gather evidence to prove these negative ones wrong.

Conclusion

So in a nutshell, work aggressively at the above points and you'll be at a good starting point. Other things to consider might be to live your life to the max and a relationship will happen when you're not pressuring yourself so much because you're happy and living with purpose. Become really attractive "on the inside" and you will attract similar people (The Law of Attraction). Be visible, take risks and stretch out of your comfort zone, develop skills to boost your confidence and cope with feelings of loneliness, develop solid boundaries, and always stay true to your vision no matter what. Good luck with your quest! One good catch deserves another!

©2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com

Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!

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Legalization of Gay Marriage

The topic was the legalization of gay marriage. The speaker's research was centered on this common theme but most of their religious stances on the subject were of Judeo-Christian views or those of Hindus. According to Hinduism or Buddhism the marriage of two people can be stretched to fit people of the same sex. In Christianity, it is left to interpretation- in context homosexuals are listed among the sinners of Sodom, a city of people that have fallen away from god. In Christianity no one is sinless so these homosexuals would not be exempt anyway, thus the law is left to interpretation. Our country being based on Christian laws and moral values follows a strict interpretation of this issue and so it is currently illegal in forty five of the fifty states. In Judaism it is clearly marked in the Torah as an act against God's will. This being the case, the view points of these religions matter very little in the policies that keep this act illegal.

People of very high stature in the American political spectrum are opposed to this because in most cases they fear for their positions should they take a less popular demeanor. A disposition for gay marriage, in this age, would be more pricy for the common politician, possibly seeing his office quickly disposed of. Centuries of ignorance on this issue have allowed for perpetuated hate crimes against a minority of the country that is as innocent and natural as any race or person of genetically inherited condition. This is a gene in the human body that has changed, over time, to add to the Darwinian index. A mutated piece of DNA possibly, or just an abnormality in the way the brain works-certainly no reason to alienate fellow human beings. The slow alteration of the human diet to consume the bi-products in bottled water; the extra plastic molecules that the water scantily absorbs are five hundred times stronger than organic Estrogen. It's chemicals like these that can change the way the body and mind work. This is merely speculation but it could explain the rise in the numbers of homosexuals over the course of the last thirty years.

My opinion is that marriage is an invention of the church to enforce fidelity. If gay people want to get married it should be outside of an anti-gay religious context. I understand that Christian homosexuals may desire a marriage with the consent of the church, but I feel like it's kind of their thing and it really wouldn't be fair to them, seeing as they did set up the guide lines in the first place, saying "we don't want these people in here." Exclusion is a stupid and hard thing but I'm all for the legalization of gay marriage by the state or by any religion that allows for that lifestyle in their belief-system. As for Christianity, I doubt they will ever yield, and this being a Christian based country I don't expect the church to allow it. If we had representatives of every denomination and belief, the chance of passing open-minded laws would be a more parallel reality but our political rosters are chalk-full of Christian names and these men were raised seeing a different way, possibly a narrower, cross shaped way. The fact is that our current government is of the wrong color to not be offended by the idea of same sex unions, and they are not close enough to the issue. It could be argued that political icons of today are without the guts to hoist a rainbow flag, but this is certainly a reflection of the voters who put them in office (I hope). Seeing that, many senior citizens put them in office, being a major part of the population right now. All of those seniors were raised with conservative views in a time where the pariah gays had even less overall acceptance. Until all the old folks die, gay marriage is a far off dream.

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Dealing With Gay Porn Addiction

The most dangerous thing about porn addiction is curiosity, once the habit escalates and becomes a part of a person's life; there is no way to go but to want more. Porn sites have no boundaries; it has continuous selections from bisexuality, unusual fetishes and homosexuality. At first a person might claim that he is just curious as to how it goes then the next thing happens; he suddenly wakes up and realizes he is already interested and he has already incorporated it in his habits.

Wives and girlfriends are surprised whenever they discover in their internet history, links regarding gay pornography, it does not necessarily mean that their husbands or partners would turn into homosexuals, it's just that it is a clear symptom that the their loved ones are already on the verge of creating a world of their own, where they would be hard to reach and understand.

When a person spends too much time watching porn, hardcore or not, the intrigue and the temptation escalates to look out for something more that can heighten the feeling that they first had. A man can suddenly question his true likes and dislikes, it creates confusion, a person who is addicted to porn usually suffers from low self esteem, and once they discover a way to find instant gratification, they can begin seeking out for unusual situations. Gay porn can lead them to try and go to contact sites, this can lead them to try real-life meetings with male strangers, to see whether they would find the sexual gratification they are longing for. The risks of these encounters are high.

Straight men who suddenly become interested in gay porn may appear to have a decreased level of intimacy with the opposite sex, they will seem distracted. People who get addicted to porn would normally feel remorse and guilt. It causes them sleepless nights and distracts them from fruitful endeavors. Gay porn addiction is hard to understand, it posts considerable challenges to today's society and structure.

To find out more information or to get help with pornography addiction, visit XXXChurch.com. XXXchurch is designed to bring awareness, openness and accountability to those affected by pornography. If you're struggling with another type of addiction, visit heartsupport.com for help with addiction recovery. Heartsupport is community based online help for those struggling with all types of addictions, although we focus primarily on addictions to money, sex, internet, substances and food.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=April-Lynn_Lim

Understanding How to Become Gay Parents

Increasing numbers of single people and gay couples are recognising their needs to procreate and seeking appropriate options to father a child. This is as a result of a number of influencing factors directing the demand for gay parenting.

There is more awareness of artificial means to assist people and an increasing acceptance of gay parenting. New legislation was promulgated in 2010 determining the rights during a surrogate program attracting people to partake in these processes.

So how exactly does it work and who are the people embarking on surrogacy egg donor programs?

In the last couple of years, several people have come forward explaining their feelings and views. Single men have either not yet found the right partner or strongly want to become a dad at this stage in their lives. They often describe themselves as financially secure and emotionally available to give of themselves to another. They have a driving passion to have a child of the same genetic origin as themselves, some one who is really of themselves and part of them. Single men wanting to become fathers do not want to wait until they meet their mate, they have enough to give at this point and want to be at this stage of their lives with their child.

For couples, they also want to share part of themselves and feel that being in a committed relationship; they have the infrastructure, means and capacity to embark on such a journey.

A journey to become a father through an artificial means is one fraught with emotions of hope, excitement, love, joy and anxiety, so not for the faint hearted.

Men have the sperm, so need a womb and an egg to conceive. The sourcing of these happens simultaneously.

Surrogacy is governed by several processes in South Africa and this process is guided supoported and facilitated by a pro bono service to support commissioning parents through the process. baby2mom is a third party who provides highly sought after assistance in this regard, including the introduction of potential surrogates to commissioning parents, the support in terms of matters to discuss to reach an amicable surrogacy agreement. Upon a meeting of minds between surrogate and commissioning parent(s), necessary documentation is required to support the contractual aspects. An extensive list of required documentation is provided and facilitated by surrogacy attorneys.

The pack of surrogacy documentation and surrogate contract is presented to South African High Courts. Whilst this may sound daunting, the necessary support provided results in the process as a tried and tested toolkit with guidelines and a step by step directed process. People often ask how quickly this process happens and the reality is that commissioning parents dictate the pace. It is a matter of how quickly appointments are scheduled, how promptly documentation is obtained and the speed at which a commissioning parent really wanted to proceed. Whilst surrogates come forward on a continuous basis, there is typically no waiting period for a surrogate to be recommended to a commissioning parent.

During the process of the High Court approval of the contract and the gathering of necessary surrogacy documents, potential dads proceed to firm the egg donor aspect - the other half of the genetic contribution to their child.

Aspects to consider in an egg donor differ from the surrogate. Egg donors contribute genetically, so typically physical traits and aspects that are viewed to be hereditary are considered. The physical traits of a surrogate do not in any way influence the appearance of the child. After an extensive review of egg donor profiles - looking at medical background, family history, social information, physical traits, philosophical views, professional information and more, commissioning dads can identify to which egg donors they are drawn.

Egg donation in South Africa is anonymous and confidential, so commission fathers do not have a personal relationship with their egg donor (as they do with a surrogate). This legality protects both parties so that egg donors do not have further commitments and there are no loose ends with a third party holding uncertain rights. The benefit of this is that parent(s) to be can select the traits required of their egg donor without actually having her in their life.

The legality aspect on surrogacy is that once the High Court approves the surrogacy contract, all rights and responsibilities for the child are with the commissioning dad and not the surrogate mother. Again, this provides assurance that the result is as intended. Regardless of emotions, neither party has the option to withdraw of have a change of heart. So the court order essentially means that the surrogate mother cannot claim any rights to the child and similarly the commissioning dad(s) are obliged to assume this right and responsibility.

So South Africa is ideally set up to offer gay parenting solutions. baby2mom Egg Donation and Surrogacy Agency has been guiding and assisting gay couples to come parents for years and works closely with reputable associations who are involved in this process as well as attorneys who specialise in matters of surrogacy. More details on http://www.baby2mom.co.za

baby2mom Egg Donation Agency, on http://www.baby2mom.co.za facilitates gay parenting through egg donation and surrogacy solutions.

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Rejection Sucks! A Gay Guy's Primer On Dealing With It

Introduction

"Well, it was really nice meeting you, bud, but I don't really think we're a match. Good luck to you though!" -or- "Yeah, it was fun! I'll call you!" -and then the call never comes.

Sound familiar? We've all been there at one time or another. You know, that stabbing feeling of being unwanted that's so hard to shake when it strikes. Yep--rejection! Rejection of all forms is a natural part of being human, from being declined for a job or being refused participation in a certain club. But as a single guy on a quest for a life partner, rejection is an inescapable given in the dating world as you search for a compatible counterpart. There is no way around it!

Now in this article, I'm not going to sugar-coat things and say "just get over it" or "it's his loss if he doesn't want to date you." This type of common advice minimizes the impact rejection really has. The truth of the matter is that rejection sucks! It hurts, it's no fun, and it can be difficult to swallow at times. But while rejection can be a nasty experience, it is a fact of life that needs to be accepted and embraced in order to survive and triumph over its effects. There's no easy formula for overcoming the fear of rejection, but what's offered here are some tips for making the most of it and taking on a new perspective to help you forage on and prevent it from holding you back from accomplishing your relationship goals and dreams.

Why Rejection Hurts

Growing up gay in a homophobic society poses many challenges as we face our developmental tasks and build an identity. As gay men, most of us carried boat-loads of shame and fears of not being accepted for who we were as we grew up (and a lot of us still struggle with these issues as adults) because of the messages from society that said being gay is "bad." This prejudice and discrimination, coupled with the fear of not being accepted, can lead to an extra-hypersensitivity when any kind of rejection is perceived. This can be even more pronounced for those men who experienced banishment from their families or suffered some type of trauma or abuse for being gay. Low self-esteem, the tendency to have a strong need for approval, and to define one's self-image around what others think of you can be additional culprits in making rejection seem insurmountable.

The Costs Are High!

For some single gay men, the fear of rejection acts as a huge barrier against their claiming one of their most desired goals--a loving relationship. This fear can manifest itself in giving up on dating, isolating oneself, avoiding risks that could result in positive life changes, a tendency to become desperate, needy, clingy, and a people-pleaser. Then there's all the negative, pessimistic thinking, anxiety, potential to become codependent, fear of commitment, and presenting a false self to avoid exposing oneself and being vulnerable, which then leads to intimacy deficits, decreased social confidence, and sometimes it reaches dangerous depths of turning to things such as alcohol/drugs and sex to self-medicate against those feelings. The list goes on--yuck!

· What does rejection mean to you?

· What are some of the losses and negative consequences you've endured as a result of your fear of rejection, if any?

A Mental Shift Is Required

A new mindset is mandatory for conquering the negative effects of a fear of rejection in the dating world. Most struggles with rejection stem from your self-talk, the chatter we all have going on in our heads all the time. What you think affects how you feel which affects how you act, and then they all interrelate with each other. You can create a self-fulfilling prophecy that if you expect rejection, it'll turn out that way. A lot of our fears of being "dismissed" come from such cognitive distortions (negative thought traps) as catastrophizing (blowing things out of proportion) and mindreading (making unfounded assumptions). You can certainly miss out on golden opportunities for meeting Mr. Right if you expend all your energy on your worries and negative thinking, not to mention that your self-esteem will be undermined and you won't feel comfortable in your own skin.

Your job is to identify which thoughts help vs. hinder your cause; capitalize on those that boost your confidence and motivate you, and work at defeating those negative thoughts that keep you trapped in vicious cycles of self-defeat. Replace those negative tapes with more affirming statements; this will take a lot of consistent practice to internalize the new messages and counter the old ones that form your beliefs. Another option is to create situations for yourself that will prove your old negative beliefs wrong by demonstrating to yourself that you are capable of overcoming anything that acts as an obstacle to your success.

Tips For Coping With Rejection

The following are some ideas to help you reframe the way you think about rejection so it doesn't seem so unbearable. Your negative beliefs can have a strong hold over you because they're trying to protect you against perceived threat or harm, so some of these tips might inspire an "oh please!" or "yeah right!" attitude. Let your mind be open and pick and choose those that might best fit your personality and style. View any resistance you may feel as an indication that your self-protection mechanisms may have been triggered and refuse to be held victim by them any longer.

* View rejection as a success. The fact that that guy doesn't want to date you is saving you a lot of time and energy in building something that wouldn't have worked out anyway. You've invested nothing, your heart is safe, and now you can channel your energies into new possibilities.

* Typically, rejection has nothing to do with you; it's a projection of the other person's wants, needs, and life experiences. He doesn't really know you. All he is aware of is what he saw and what you shared with him about yourself, but that's not the totality of who you are. It's more about him. It's not your fault, so avoid personalizing it and realize also that you are not Mr. Right for every guy you meet and vice versa. Most people you date will not be the right guy for you.

* Avoid attaching yourself to outcomes. Approach every date free from fantasy and as an opportunity to meet someone new. If something works out, then that's an added bonus. Don't mold yourself into a relationship just for the sake of being in one. Be the chooser!

* A fear of being alone is closely tied to fear of rejection. The more value you place on someone, the stronger the fear will be, so take the emphasis off of him and find ways to value yourself. Discover ways to be "happily single", independent, and don't put stock in being fulfilled in your life only if you're in a relationship. Identify your strengths and recognize what makes you a "good catch." Cultivate a positive self-image.

* Build your self-confidence by becoming the best "you" you can be. Invest in your personal growth, fine-tune your social skills, take safe and calculated risks, enhance your self-esteem and body image, develop a more balanced lifestyle with purposeful goals that will give you meaning. This will help take the focus off the other guy and put it more squarely on you and living your life to the max to where rejection won't matter as much to you.

* Whenever you experience feelings of rejection, write down the thoughts you're having in a journal and work at correcting any distorted beliefs that may be hurting you. Are you condemning yourself? Are your thoughts reinforcing low self-esteem? How are you contributing to your own feelings of rejection? Develop your own personal list of affirmations that will encourage and affirm you and rehearse them daily.

* Most importantly, stop giving emotional power to these men! How do you even know if this guy was really a match for you either? Are you projecting? His saying "no" to another date basically means that your personal requirements for a long-term relationship do not appear to match up. It is the traits, not you! And if a rejection occurs over something superficial, you don't want to be with that person anyway. Superficiality does not equal long-term sustenance in relationships. Overcome your fear of being negatively judged by having a solid grasp on your vision and requirements to operate from that.

Conclusion

While nobody likes to be rejected, remember that it's all about perception and that you have total control over the way that you think and interpret things; you have no control over the other person. Reframe your experience of rejection in more positive terms, develop a mindset of acceptance to bounce back quickly, and keep centered on your goals and beliefs in your ability to lead a happy life. Dating is risky business and not for the faint of heart, but can be a rewarding adventure. Don't let your fears of rejection paralyze your life; live by the mantra NO MORE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES and remember that the main reason Mr. Right will want to be with you is by you being who you inherently are--that's why he will fall in love with you and vice versa. So be yourself! Keep an ongoing log of affirmations that resonate with you to help you stay upbeat and centered during those difficult times, and in conclusion, here's a neat way of looking at rejection.

To build resiliency, you must experience disappointment and rejection and failure and learn that one, you can survive it, and two that sometimes the universe has a better plan for you than you had for yourself all along. --- Azriela Jaffe, author of "Starting From No: 10 Strategies to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection and Succeed in Business."

©2006 Brian L. Rzepczynski

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com

Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!

Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private coaching practice, The Gay Love Coach: Man 4 Man Coaching Services (http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com), in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, on developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a free monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the co-author of the 2005 self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion."

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Gay Marriage In Connecticut: Hazardous To Your Wealth?

You're gay. You live in Connecticut. You want to marry.

The question is, will you be treated financially in the same manner as heterosexual couples? The answer is yes and no.

The Connecticut Supreme Court recognized gay marriage in 2008 and the legislature codified it. Essentially, this made the state's laws on marriage and divorce gender and orientation neutral.

But the word 'essentially' is where the rub lies. Because the federal government and some states don't recognize same sex marriages, these couples face a number of challenges impacting the transfer of wealth upon marriage, divorce or death. Over 1,000 federal laws take marital status into account, often with negative consequences.

For example, on the federal level, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) prevents. Same sex couples from:

• Filing joint tax returns;
• Obtaining Social Security Survivor benefits;
• Taking advantage of spousal transfer exemptions for estate planning purposes.

Take the example of the gay couple in Massachusetts who had been together for sixty years. They were officially married in 2004 shortly after it became legal to do so in Massachusetts. When one spouse died in 2008, the surviving spouse was blocked from receiving social security survivor benefits because the marriage, although recognized under state law, was not recognized under DOMA. While the monthly benefit amounted to only $700 per month, multiplied over the rest of the surviving spouses' lifetime it could have easily been worth $100,000.

And there are other complications. Case in point, getting married in Connecticut does not necessarily confer jurisdiction to be divorced in Connecticut. If a same sex couple travels to Connecticut to marry from a home state that does not recognize gay marriage - they may not be able to get divorced in their home state. The non-recognition of their marriage in their home state means they will not be able to take advantage of that state's divorce laws when dividing their financial assets, even if those terms are advantageous.

The Obama administration's recent decision not to defend DOMA in court will have little day-to-day impact for married gay couples. However, while those challenging DOMA in court - a costly and long process - may not face opposition from Obama Administration lawyers, they may suffer from the adverse consequences at the state level. Furthermore, federal agencies must still follow and enforce DOMA until such time it is overturned or repealed. Finally, the Obama administration's decision has no effect on state laws in states where gay marriage is not recognized.

Fortunately, most of the unfavorable aspects of non-recognition can be defeated through a well drafted pre-nuptial agreement. For example, a same sex couple can, in the event of a divorce, agree to submit themselves to the jurisdiction of Connecticut courts (and require physical relocation if necessary) in the event that they have relocated to a non-recognition state since becoming married.

http://www.TerbruschLaw.com

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Why Gay Men Should Find Love and Relationship Online Instead of at the Gay Bars

The world is getting modernized every day and people are getting their rights and voices equally. Human rights are the most spoken thing in this civilized world. Gays and Lesbians have got their rights but in some countries, they face problems in finding their matches, as people do not accept them easily in the society. Online dating services are a perfect solution for such people and are an easy way to communicate with people of their own kind.

It is very difficult for anyone to go out after the whole day's work and that is the reason bars and public places are full of people on the weekends. People seldom get places in the bars as there is too much rush. Such is the case with Gays as well; they too face problems in finding their match. Gay online dating sites provide ease to Gays and they can communicate to millions of Gay men all over the world, sitting comfortably on their sofas in their homes. Gay online dating websites are for gays and anybody searching profiles will be sure that about other men who share their interests.

The online dating sites for Gays provide both free and paid services. The range of services provided on free account will be limited and paid sites will have lot more features. Free dating services do not require any fees to join and they are an easy way for beginners if they want to get familiar with how online dating sites work. People from all over the world post their profiles on online dating websites for gays as it is necessary to get registered before you start looking for your match. The personal information these online dating sites hold are hidden.

People put their profile pictures when they register and it is a convenient way as well. You do not have to look at whole profile or read everything to find out how the man looks like. If you are willing to spend some money and want to buy paid services then the experience will be totally different. You will get access to functions like chatting and video calls. You can watch the person live and can even call him via the dating service and have a conversation.

One more advantage of these sites is that your identity is hidden and you will not be emotionally hurt if someone rejects you and does not like you. It is unlike the bars where you can get rejected at the same time you talk to the guy. Think twice before revealing your information to anybody you contact as it can be misused in a number of ways. Online dating sites have privacy policies in place but still, care should be observed while sharing personal details. Gay online dating websites will help you find a perfect match for you with ease and convenience of home.

For more information Please meet Gay singles at free Gay dating and totally free personals sites Thousands of men seeking men waiting online at totally free personals services Being a single guy is not fun so take action today to find your future soul mate online for free

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The Essential Gay Dating Tips

Whether you are gay, bisexual or bi-curious, finding that perfect date can be a daunting task, especially if you are stepping out for the first time. How should you dress? Where should you go? What should you say or not to say? One thing is for sure, remember to be yourself and be relaxed. Below are a series of gay dating tips aimed at helping you make that date a real success.

The top gay dating tips:

1. Location, location, location! Choosing a meeting place is extremely important. Agree to meet at a place that is neutral, not too far from your dwellings and be familiar with the area. You would want to also choose a place that is not too noisy or rowdy, more like a quiet bar where you can both communicate and be heard effectively.

2. Concentrate my dear! Dating can always be extremely tense and nerve racking, especially if you are the quiet or shy type. One point to remember is to listen carefully to what your date has to say, this will enable you to relate and connect more easily.

3. A little bit of give and take: Share the conversation, ask as many questions as you like, feel free to talk about yourself, but also be courteous and listen to what the other person has to say.

4. What was in the past is better left in the past: Do not dwell in the past and absolutely refrain from mentioning your past relationships and negative experiences. Remember, every first date is a new beginning and should be treated like one. So, feel confident and be optimistic, stick to the present and the future. Show your date that his time is now and that you have no left over baggage.

5. Radiate: Show your inner glow and be positive. There is nothing like a positive and optimistic person. It shows a good level of confidence, which is definitely attractive in many people's eyes. Bury your negative thoughts and think positive.

6. To hump or not to hump? It has been proven time and time again that one night stands or "hi how are you, let's have sex" encounters do not last the test of time or more than 24 hours for that matter. If that is what you are seeking, fine, but just play it SAFE, otherwise you may want to concentrate further on the conversation and leave sex for another time. This will show that you are genuinely interested in your date and wish to take matters further.

7. Easy come, easy go: There is no need to rush the situation. Take your time, give yourself and the other person time to breath and discover how you truly feel about each other. It is not advisable to become too serious too quickly at an early stage in the dating process. This might easily scare off the other person who may not feel ready for a relationship or commitment.

8. Honesty shall set you free: There is no point in beating around the bush. Be true to yourself and your feelings towards this person. If you feel you are not getting the attention you deserve, let yourself be heard. If your interest is not reciprocated, direct your attention on somebody that will appreciated it. Like wise, if you grow dissatisfied or lose interest in the person, let it be known.

9. R.E.S.P.E.C.T: One of the most important gay dating tips is to treat the other person with the same level of respect as you feel you deserve. There is no point in wasting time and playing games, return their phone calls and speak to them. If you are not interested, have the decency of letting the person know rather than taking them on a roller coaster ride of uncertainty.

Meeting someone new is never easy, let alone dating them. We hope these gay dating tips have given you a valuable insight into etiquettes involved with dating. We wish you the very best of luck and hope that you keep these gay dating tips in mind.

Jason Sands recommends Match Maker gay dating service for free gay chat rooms and gay dating advice.

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Gay Relationships - 2 Places to Meet Other Guys

Gay Relationships and Gay Dating

Places to Meet other Gay Guys - How to meet other gay guys can be difficult simply because gay guys generally don't go walking around with a sign on their head that says 'hey, I am gay and single'. So the idea of walking up to a strange guy at a grocery store or any other methods that would be typically used for guys to pick up girls are probably not good methods for gay men.

2 Best places to go to meet other gay men:

A gay bar. Whether or not this is a good idea depends upon your lifestyle and where you live. If you live in or near a city there should be plenty of gay bars around. If you live in the suburbs or in the country this might not be so possible. The other issue is if you are meeting gay men at bars do you care if you are meeting somebody that drinks. That is another consideration.
A gay singles website. In my opinion this is the best way to meet anybody for a variety of reasons. Number one is the comfort and convenience. You sit there in your chair in front of your computer and browse through the profiles of other single gay men contacting the ones that look interesting to you without having to deal directly with rejection. At a gay singles website you can specify all kinds of parameters that filter out the wrong guys saving you a lot of time and headaches. This is simply not possible at a gay bar.
Metrodate Gay Dating probably the best choice of all the gay dating sites and 100% Free. Lots of members. Pride Gay Dating laid out very well and has been programmed very efficiently because the site is very fast. Lots of members also.

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Gay Millionaires - Where and How to Meet Wealthy Gay Men and Women

Gay millionaires can be found everywhere. In fact, with the immense popularity of social networking which includes online dating, wealthy gay men and women now have entire online dating sites dedicated to them, where as at one time, these same dating sites were mutually exclusive to men and women looking for heterosexual relationships.

In terms of the hundreds of dating sites found on the internet, gay millionaire dating is a fairly new concept. It wasn't until about 2007 when one of the leading dating sites for the wealthy, began to open their doors to gay and lesbian men and women ultimately green-lighting an entire part of the population who could now finally take part in something that was all the rage.

And like with heterosexual millionaire dating sites, gay millionaire dating runs the gamut - anything from a gay sugar daddy and sugar baby arrangements to a relationship for those more dedicated to finding a long-term partner.

If you're interested in meeting and dating a gay millionaire, one of the best places to begin is with a specialized matchmaker. Even famed TV matchmaker Patti Stanger of the popular Bravo television series "Millionaire Matchmaker," had planned on opening up the show to the gay community after its first season in 2008. She wanted gays to also benefit from her expertise in finding a wealthy partner. As Stanger has said, "attraction is attraction."

Online matchmaking services can make all the difference in finding what you're looking for. With the anonymity afforded you by the internet, you can browse through many a profile on mostly free dating sites before you ever have to make any decisions about who you want to contact or meet.

To meet a gay millionaire, you need to put in both the time and effort to find one. While exclusive clubs or restaurants catering to a wealthy clientele are always an option in finding a wealthy gay man or woman, walking up to someone and asking for a list of their assets won't get you very far. Having the option of choosing a matchmaker who can best pair you with the millionaire of your choosing is the smart way to go.

To meet and date a gay millionaire go to Millionaire Dating - the premium millionaire dating site successfully connecting wealthy gay men and women. Sign up for free at http://www.MillionaireDating.com.au

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Dating Survival Tips for Gay Men

"I don't think there's enough passion between us", "I don't think we are a complete match", "I'm not feeling a click", "I don't think there's enough chemistry on my side", "We're not sexually compatible", "I'm not ready for a relationship", "It's not you; it's me", "I'd like for us to remain friends".

Oh...the perils of dating! We've all been on the giving or receiving end of these statements and it never feels good either way. Sometimes nothing is ever said, and the situation just fades away causing us even more confusion. Dating can be very difficult, especially in the online environments we often find ourselves.

So how do we take care of our personal well-being in dating situations?

Here are some dating survival tips to consider:

1). Date for dating's sake - Get rid of the expectation of finding "the one" and just date. Meet people with the intention of getting to know them and learning about who they are. Avoid getting emotionally caught up too soon. Release the pressure and expectation that this might be "the one" for the long-term.

2). Actions don't necessarily speak louder than words - We've all been told that "actions speak louder than words" but this isn't always so. Be wary of interpreting someone's actions as meaning that they are into you or that they actually want a relationship with you. Some guys may say sweet things, buy you flowers or gifts, treat you to dinner, introduce you to their friends and family or initiate sex as a part of their own dating rituals. These actions may hold no specific meaning to you whatsoever.

3). Have fun - Enjoy the process of dating. Put your best self forward and have fun. You cannot control another person's thoughts, feelings or behaviors. You also can't control the outcome of the experience. You can allow yourself to have fun! Be lighthearted about it all - stay in the moment, enjoy your dates and let go of your attachment to the outcome.

4). Stay focused on your life - Make time to plan activities apart from dating. Remember that dating is only one aspect of your life. Do other things that bring you pleasure and balance your dating life with other important life areas - having a rich full life makes you a very attractive person overall.

5). Learn how to handle rejection - It's never easy to be let down but don't personalize the rejection. Recognize that everyone has their own psychological issues and relationship histories that they bring into dating situations. If someone tells you they don't want to go forward don't make it about you. There can be any number of reasons that caused them to back out, and they probably have absolutely nothing to do with you. If you need to, you can talk about the experience with a friend, therapist or coach to help you to quickly move on.

6). Focus on your well-being - Take care of yourself every day by asking - What can I do to take care of myself today? Perhaps it's exercising, meditating, or going out with friends or family. Do whatever is meaningful to you. Make a commitment to yourself to do something each day that makes you feel good.

Finally, always remember what my grandmother used to say:

"Men are like buses, there is always another one coming"!

Paul is a certified life coach and a licensed therapist. He is a highly sought after coach and consultant within the behavioral healthcare industry, and works with numerous organizations, including Fortune 500, healthcare companies, small businesses, and non-profit organizations.

Paul has always been passionate about personal growth and development, and he loves to explore the possibilities! He enjoys inspiring others to discover their true selves, reach for their goals and dreams and create the life they truly desire.

Paul created and developed Life Solutions for Gay Men as a complete resource to support gay men in their quest for personal development.

Additionally, he also has an extensive background in the performing arts and has studied and applied various techniques throughout the years including Meditation, Progressive Relaxation, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and the Alexander Technique.

http://www.lifesolutionsforgaymen.com

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Limping Marriages Create Complications in Gay Divorce

Members of the gay and lesbian community who jumped at the opportunity to take advantage of California's brief fling with gay marriage can rest assured that divorce is also an option for them. Unfortunately, the process may not be as simple as it for straight couples.

The most notable difficulty in gay divorce stems from a phenomenon known as limping marriages. This type of marriage occurs when a couple is married in one jurisdiction but then goes to another jurisdiction that does not recognize gay marriage. Hypothetically, Anna and Carley were married in California, but then move to Texas, where their marriage is not recognized. Anna and Carley will not gain any of the same benefits given to heterosexual couples in Texas. Furthermore, because their marriage is not recognized, Anna and Carley will not be granted the benefit of divorce.

Without divorce, Anna and Carley will not have the protection provided under divorce laws to secure the support they need to transition into their new lives. They lack the basic ability to legally divide assets and figure out support agreements recognized by the courts. And, although same-sex spouses have figured out other methods to obtain a divorce, they are legally complicated and difficult to implement, and they are not ideal for couples who cannot agree on the terms of the divorce.

One article in the L.A. Times noted that some couples have resorted to using ticks to push for a divorce:
"In Oklahoma, a judge unwittingly granted a divorce to two gay women who had married in Canada. The women had filed using just their first initials and last names. On discovering that both members of the couple were women, the judge revoked the divorce, on grounds that they had never been legally married."

Fortunately, for some couples who agree to the terms of a divorce, simply applying for a domestic partnership and then dissolving that can be an effective means of obtaining a divorce. For those couples who do not agree over the division of assets, one party could abuse the legal system by taking advantage of the legal confusion and depriving the other party of the rights they would have received if granted a divorce. In such cases, an experienced divorce lawyer is necessary to help the couple navigate the California legal system.

Finally, federal tax implications further complicate the confusion of gay marriage and divorce. Years ago, Congress passed legislation stating that alimony and assets passed during divorce would be tax exempt. Since this is a federally imposed exemption, even if a gay couple lives in a state that recognizes their marriage and/or divorce, and they transfer assets or alimony just like any other couple, the exemption still does not apply to them.

Thus far, the IRS hasn't made specific rules about this problem, but it has issued a "Chief Counsel Advisory" for same-sex couples living in community property states, such as California. In the Advisory, community property income would be treated as joint income for tax reporting purposes.

In all, one of the most important aspects of Federal and State recognition of marriage is the protections provided by the right of divorce, a predictable process by which property is divided, debts are appointed and custodial and support arrangements are made.

Diana P. Zitser is the sole proprietor of the Law Offices of Diana P. Zitser, APC. Ms. Zitser is Certified as a Legal Specialist in Family Law by the State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization. Ms. Zitser is licensed to practice before all of the Courts of the State of California, the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit, and the United States District Court for the Central District of California. Ms. Zitser has been consistently recognized for her expertise and excellence. Please contact her for a consultation today:
Phone: (818) 763 5274
10 Universal City Plaza, Ste. 1950
Universal City, CA
http://www.zitserlaw.com

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Mom, Dad, I'm Gay - Advice to Parents on How to Cope With a Gay Son or a Lesbian Daughter

As a parent you have certain expectations of your children, naturally you want them to grow up to be fulfilled, happy, responsible and loving individuals, who will be able to develop meaningful and long lasting relationships. Most likely you were brought up with the values that heterosexuality is the norm and homosexuality is wrong. You may have been exposed to direct prejudice and heard insults directed at homosexuals, these may have come from your family and other people you trusted during your upbringing. So what do you do when your son or daughter says, "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."

Accept

First and foremost, accept what they are saying to you, do not deny them their reality. Tell them that you are pleased that they have confided in you; try to accept them the best way you can, do not attempt to change them in any way or judge them. If you're really uncomfortable tell them that too; be as honest as you can but let them know that you love them and that you're going to learn more about the issue.

Ask Questions

Questions are an excellent way to begin conversing with your son or daughter. It shows them that you care and that you want to know about how they are feeling. Questions will bond you further. Remember, your son or daughter may have been very nervous before coming out to you, they may have fears of being rejected by you. Therefore it took courage on their part to come out to you, do not disappoint them, show them that love will surpass any personal prejudice or bias you may have. Here are some suggested questions you may want to ask them:

When did you first realize you were gay/lesbian?
How do you feel about being gay/lesbian?
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Have you shared this with anyone else?
How do you want me, (mom, dad) to support you?
Do Not Ask or Make These Comments

What do gays/lesbians do in bed? This question may embarrass your son or daughter. Look it up online, if you really want to know.

Do you want to be a woman/man? Homosexuality has nothing to do with gender identification, lesbians in general, love to be women, and gay men love to be men; look up transgender if you have questions regarding this issue.

You should see a therapist? This is an insult, it will only make your son/daughter feel anger towards you because it implies that you do not accept them the way they are.
Consequences of Rejection

Many parents go through a great deal of anguish, and experience a wide range of emotions such as anger, denial embarrassment, helplessness, betrayal and sadness, to name a few. Although it can be difficult accepting your son or daughter's homosexuality, the cost of not accepting can be devastating for both you and for them. In a study published in Social and Psychology and Personality Science, when youth are rejected they can resort to all sorts of extreme behaviour such as:

attempt suicide
become violent
use drugs or alcohol
engage in high risk sexual activity
become depressed
In some cases youth just leave home and abandon their families, resorting to their friends for emotional and moral support. The same study also revealed that there is less anger, less depression, and higher self-esteem if a youth comes out in a supportive setting. It's in your best interest and in your son or daughter's best interest to accept them, to put whatever biases you may have aside and accept them. You too will feel healthier and stronger having your son or daughter next to you, attending family events and maintaining a cohesive family unit. You don't have to like everything about them, their sexual orientation is only a mere facet of who they are, filter what you don't like and accept the child you love and raised.

Get Support

Find support for yourself, often it's not easy for parents to handle such news. Share your feelings with your husband, boyfriend, sister, brother or a friend and let them know what you are going through. Choose an open minded person, someone you know will be accepting of you and not make you feel hurt or defensive. Look for other types of support such as PFLAG - Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays. This organization was created in 1972 in New York City with the mandate to provide LGBT activism through campaigning, education, advocacy and support. Look for your local PFAG, online or at your local community center for great resources and support.

Esmeralda Carvalho is a writer for Lesbian Moms Today, http://www.lesbianmomtoday.com/ a website for lesbian moms and their families to connect, talk about parenting, family, relationship, healthy living, films, travel and events.

She has an Honours BA in Sociology and Psychology, has founded a lesbian/gay association and has chaired various committees on lesbian/gay issues, parenting and health.

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Hate Crimes - Gay Discrimination in Schools

Though apartheid is already a far outcry these days, being rejected by countries and societies earlier this century, the often small, invisible cases of bullying and discrimination are ever present in schools. Usually, they slipped away and often go unnoticed.

At present, violence against teen gays is increasing. According to a 2005 survey conducted by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, more than 64 percent of gay and lesbian students have reported physical, verbal and sexual harassment in school, while 29 percent of the students missed a day in class because they fear for their safety.

Those vocal, openly gay students earn most of the bullies' brunt and later become victims of abuse. In a 2008 incident at Oxnard, California, Larry King, a 15-year old, eighth-grader, openly gay student was shot in the head by a 14-year old student, Brandon Mclnerney. King was often a subject of humiliation in their junior high school because of the fact that he was gay and comfortable in showing it, wearing high heels and make-up in school. However, King never showed defeat and instead fired back at the boys by either flirting or chasing them in school.

According to another eighth-grader witness by the name of Eduardo Segure, a day before the shooting, a boys' love had been expressed. It was King saying he liked Mclnerney, which may have threatened his ego and self-identity. Jaana Juvonen, a psychology professor, said that it is possible for Mclnerney to feel threatened when King expressed to him.

With all these happening, the public wondered what schools actually do to educate students about discrimination and tolerance. Hate messages everywhere usually preceding attacks. Although school officials have met with gay activists after the incident to review the school's tolerance program, they could have done something earlier to prevent it from happening. In fact, Jay Smith of the Ventura County Rainbow Alliance even questioned whether teachers are ready and knowledgeable on how to deal with gay teen issues such as boys' love.

The incident has fueled the outrage again of gay rights activists and has been condemned as well by nearby communities. The killing of King led to vigils and a 1,000-people march. Apart from this, the incident has drawn the attention of the nation like the killings too of some other gay students such as Brandon Teena, the Nebraskan transsexual whose story was featured in a film entitled, "Boy's Don't Cry" and Matthew Shepard in Wyoming. Well-known lesbian TV host, Ellen DeGeneres, gave her sympathy and support. She said that she's not a second class citizen, so as King and it's OK to be gay.

True, the boys' love issue can heat up arguments and can be a threat to any guy. However, it is not enough reason to kill let alone when someone expresses sexual preference by the clothes one wears or how one looks like. What are needed are more understanding, tolerance and eventually acceptance from the public.

Justin is a fan of boys love boys movies and maintains the world largest BL movies website known as asian gay films.

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