Rumored to be the playground of Stars, Palm Springs California has also become one of America's most popular gay vacation destinations. From mid-October to June the weather is ideal with daytime highs in the mid seventies. A beautiful desert landscape with three majestic mountain ranges in the background makes for a perfect setting for rest, relaxation, recharging your batteries, or a romantic rendezvous with that special someone. This city is home to one of the most "gay friendly" environments on the west coast, with many cultural events that celebrate diversity and pride.
A stroll down Arenas Street, located in Downtown Palm Springs will provide dining, shopping, and night life unlike any other. There are several shops that sell clothing, curio, and novelty items you won't find anywhere else. This street also includes some of Palm Springs premiere restaurants serving American cuisine. Several of the bars, and restaurants provide a very of night - time entertainment that include, karaoke, Levi/leather, of just casual fun and an open air outside patio.
The section of Palm Springs located within walking distance from downtown is Warm Sands. This area is home to a collection of upscale gay and clothing optional resorts, which are rated some of the best. Prior to becoming gay establishments, many of these same resorts were favorite vacation spots for many Hollywood icons of silent screen, Stage, movies.
Shopping and nightlife are not the only forms of entertainment in this desert oasis. With several National Parks, Monuments and state land preserves very close, many visitors can enjoy hiking, house back riding, excursion tours, and even camping. Your biggest problem will be finding enough time in the day to get everything in.
There are also several annual events that drawl national attention to this area. Held every year in the spring, the White Party is a gay man's definition of being a kid in a candy store. There are beautiful gay men everywhere you look. You may want to come to this event single because if you don't you may leave that way. So much temptation and so little time. This valley provides something for everyone so women, do not feel left out. The Dinah Shore Kraft/Nabisco Golf Championship is Lesbian dream come true.
The Gay Pride festival is a weekend long celebration in which Arenas Street is closed down for musical entertainment, Sunrise Park host the official gay Pride festival with many venders that set up booths to provide an open-air shopping and entertainment experience. Palm Canyon is closed down the last day of Gay Pride to host the official parade.
Mitchell Sussman has been a television producer for the past twenty five years. In that time he has produced adventure travel programming for such networks as Travel Channel, PBS, Fox Sports Net, Star TV and many others.
Mitchell is also a contributing editor to a website that provides information about and is a portal to hotels, golf, attractions, restaurants and events in Palm Springs and the California desert resort cities http://www.palmspringsvacationdiscounts.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mitchell_Sussman
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Top 10 Secrets of Successful Gay Daters
Introduction
Dating can be like a roller coaster ride sometimes with its fun highs and frustrating lows. Ever wonder why some guys have more luck with the dating game than others? Ever contemplate what it takes to become more successful with men? Well, that's a tricky business and there's no scientific formula that will yield those positive results. I believe dating is partly luck and LOTS of preparation.
This article will list ten characteristics common to the profile of a successful gay dater. The list goes on beyond this as well, but these qualities can provide a starting point for you to assess your possible strengths and weaknesses as a single gay man on the prowl for your Mr. Right and to develop goals for self-improvement that will maximize your efforts out on the dating scene.
Profile Of A Successful Gay Dater
10. He lives a life that he loves with a clear vision of his future and is armed with self-knowledge and awareness.
It's critical that you avoid defining your whole life around dating and finding a boyfriend. This is just one aspect of your life and you don't want to neglect and avoid the other parts of your identity. Know who you are, what you want, and where you're going in your life. Develop a crisp, clear vision of how you want to be and the type of life you'd like to lead and succinctly define your personal values, passions, and life purpose and live according to them. Look and feel your best! And remember, "The Law of Attraction" states that like attracts like; what you put out there and show the world has the tendency to attract the same back to you---and that goes for dating too!
9. He knows his personal requirements and refuses to tolerate anything less.
The best defense that you can have in the midst of all those men to choose from is to know what your non-negotiable needs are; things you absolutely must have or absolutely cannot have in a relationship for you to be with that particular guy. This will help you weed through the potentials and the Mr. Wrongs. And don't sway from your requirements, no matter how hot he is! You'll be saving yourself a lot of grief in the long run.
8. He has a solid knowledge of what constitutes a healthy relationship.
Be aware of the ingredients of a healthy partnership. This can help you detect any red flags in your dating relationship that might be "deal-breakers" or areas that the two of you could work on together. Such qualities include each person having a strong sense of self with solid boundaries, open communication, flexibility, commitment, ability to have fun, capable of non-defensive conflict negotiation, having emotional connection and intimacy, affection, sexual compatibility, etc.
7. He has a strong support system, access to resources, and is comfortable being alone.
It's important when your single to have a good friendship network going (they can be great match-makers sometimes) and have a circle of people in your life who support you and care about you. Additionally, become knowledgeable about the resources that exist in your community for LGBT individuals as additional components you can add to your network. And learn creative ways for coping with loneliness by utilizing this alone time for self-reflection, relaxation, and movement toward your personal goals and vision.
6. He has overcome a lot of the male socialization barriers that can interfere with relationship quality of life.
"Men are tough. Men don't cry. Men don't show emotions."You know, all those mumbo jumbo messages all of us men, gay and straight, had to internalize growing up. These scripts that are supposed to define manhood limit our ability to live freely. As a result, many gay relationships tend to be highlighted by competition, status, power/control struggles, and lack of effective communication skills and expression of feelings. Put two men together in a dating situation with the same socialization scripts, and these are relationship killers! Define for yourself what being a man means, develop comfort with your masculinity and gender, and don't be held back by these prejudicial sanctions.
5. He has addressed any issues pertaining to internalized homophobia, feels a sense of acceptance and pride with being gay, and has overcome a lot of the gay stereotypes and myths that abound about gay men and dating.
Coming out isn't for everyone, but the more accepting you are about your sexual identity, the greater quality of life you can experience. You don't have to live a double life any more, you no longer have to lie or hide behind secrets, you can live with less fear and stress, and your self-esteem tends to be higher in most cases. It's not an easy feat, however--there's years worth of shame to work through, but for most people the journey is beneficial as they can then live more authentically and truly be themselves. Dating and relationships can be made difficult without a resolution to this, particularly if both men are in different places of the coming-out continuum. Additionally, it's important to counter any myths or stereotypes about homosexuality because these can be limiting as well. "All the good ones are taken." "Gay relationships don't work." "All gay men want is sex." "I have to be a stud to land a man." "Guys will come to me." If you believe any of these statements and the many others that exist, recognize these as misinformation that can be confusing and distort reality and work hard at challenging and defeating such negative self-talk so that they don't get in the way of your goals.
4. He knows what dating means and how to do it instead of just having sex.
For many gay men, having sex and/or jumping into a relationship too early is a common phenomenon. Because of our homophobic society, we were never taught how to date, so gays don't typically have pacing rituals or milestones like our straight counterparts do for dating. This, coupled with relief after years of isolation and having a strong need to feel loved/wanted/connected, fuels us to rush intimacy too quickly and establish premature connections without knowing more about the other guy. It's important to build a foundation first as this helps us make good choices. Learn how to pace and slow things down by learning how to add courtship, flirting, and romance to the mix.
3. He is emotionally and physically available and ready for love.
Have the time and space to invite a person into your world. It will be difficult to establish a connection with someone if your time schedule is too booked up. Also be ready emotionally by ensuring you've resolved any baggage from your past or addressing any current personal issues that may distract you and sabotage your efforts at love. And most importantly, be yourself! Don't be someone that you think he wants you to be. Don't mold yourself around someone just to be in a relationship. You'll end up resenting him and yourself for your dishonesty. Remember to live by your personal requirements and have your own individual identity.
2. He has a well-rounded repertoire of dating skills and knows how to use them.
Dating skills include such things as knowing where to meet men (pick venues aligned with your vision!), being assertive, having good communication skills, being able to initiate and maintain conversations, differentiating between guys who are cruising vs. serious dating candidates, knowing how to flirt, etc. The more developed you are in these types of skills, the more savvy and confident you will feel when in social situations and you'll be more magnetic!
1. He is a go-getter and takes charge of his life. He makes things happen!
Nothing will happen in your life unless you take the proactive steps to make changes. This is not an easy task, especially if you're shy or hesitant because of past efforts that didn't work out, but you have to be the chooser and take risks. In most cases, things will not fall in your lap. You will need to do the work involved in making your vision become a reality. Whether it be combating procrastination or dealing with fears of rejection, conquer your anxieties directly. And do it NOW! The more you run or avoid anxiety, the stronger it gets. And don't put your life on hold either. One man once told me, "I'll start dating after I lose weight." No! Live your life to the max now while you're working on such goals. There's no greater loss than postponing living your life.
Conclusion
So there you have it! Ten areas where you can assess yourself on the successful dater scale. Dating can be fun AND challenging, so the more prepared you are for inviting love into your life, the greater the chances of victory. Identify the strengths and weaknesses you may have from this profile and make a commitment to yourself to develop goals for improving up your weak spots and follow through with them. While it's not foolproof, you will greatly improve your chances in the dating pool and you'll also be strengthening your personhood in the process, adding more value and richness to your life. Your Mr. Right is out there. Now go get him!
©2006 Brian L. Rzepczynski
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:
Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com
Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!
Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private coaching practice, The Gay Love Coach: Man 4 Man Coaching Services (http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com), in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, on developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a free monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the co-author of the 2005 self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion."
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brian_Rzepczynski
Dating can be like a roller coaster ride sometimes with its fun highs and frustrating lows. Ever wonder why some guys have more luck with the dating game than others? Ever contemplate what it takes to become more successful with men? Well, that's a tricky business and there's no scientific formula that will yield those positive results. I believe dating is partly luck and LOTS of preparation.
This article will list ten characteristics common to the profile of a successful gay dater. The list goes on beyond this as well, but these qualities can provide a starting point for you to assess your possible strengths and weaknesses as a single gay man on the prowl for your Mr. Right and to develop goals for self-improvement that will maximize your efforts out on the dating scene.
Profile Of A Successful Gay Dater
10. He lives a life that he loves with a clear vision of his future and is armed with self-knowledge and awareness.
It's critical that you avoid defining your whole life around dating and finding a boyfriend. This is just one aspect of your life and you don't want to neglect and avoid the other parts of your identity. Know who you are, what you want, and where you're going in your life. Develop a crisp, clear vision of how you want to be and the type of life you'd like to lead and succinctly define your personal values, passions, and life purpose and live according to them. Look and feel your best! And remember, "The Law of Attraction" states that like attracts like; what you put out there and show the world has the tendency to attract the same back to you---and that goes for dating too!
9. He knows his personal requirements and refuses to tolerate anything less.
The best defense that you can have in the midst of all those men to choose from is to know what your non-negotiable needs are; things you absolutely must have or absolutely cannot have in a relationship for you to be with that particular guy. This will help you weed through the potentials and the Mr. Wrongs. And don't sway from your requirements, no matter how hot he is! You'll be saving yourself a lot of grief in the long run.
8. He has a solid knowledge of what constitutes a healthy relationship.
Be aware of the ingredients of a healthy partnership. This can help you detect any red flags in your dating relationship that might be "deal-breakers" or areas that the two of you could work on together. Such qualities include each person having a strong sense of self with solid boundaries, open communication, flexibility, commitment, ability to have fun, capable of non-defensive conflict negotiation, having emotional connection and intimacy, affection, sexual compatibility, etc.
7. He has a strong support system, access to resources, and is comfortable being alone.
It's important when your single to have a good friendship network going (they can be great match-makers sometimes) and have a circle of people in your life who support you and care about you. Additionally, become knowledgeable about the resources that exist in your community for LGBT individuals as additional components you can add to your network. And learn creative ways for coping with loneliness by utilizing this alone time for self-reflection, relaxation, and movement toward your personal goals and vision.
6. He has overcome a lot of the male socialization barriers that can interfere with relationship quality of life.
"Men are tough. Men don't cry. Men don't show emotions."You know, all those mumbo jumbo messages all of us men, gay and straight, had to internalize growing up. These scripts that are supposed to define manhood limit our ability to live freely. As a result, many gay relationships tend to be highlighted by competition, status, power/control struggles, and lack of effective communication skills and expression of feelings. Put two men together in a dating situation with the same socialization scripts, and these are relationship killers! Define for yourself what being a man means, develop comfort with your masculinity and gender, and don't be held back by these prejudicial sanctions.
5. He has addressed any issues pertaining to internalized homophobia, feels a sense of acceptance and pride with being gay, and has overcome a lot of the gay stereotypes and myths that abound about gay men and dating.
Coming out isn't for everyone, but the more accepting you are about your sexual identity, the greater quality of life you can experience. You don't have to live a double life any more, you no longer have to lie or hide behind secrets, you can live with less fear and stress, and your self-esteem tends to be higher in most cases. It's not an easy feat, however--there's years worth of shame to work through, but for most people the journey is beneficial as they can then live more authentically and truly be themselves. Dating and relationships can be made difficult without a resolution to this, particularly if both men are in different places of the coming-out continuum. Additionally, it's important to counter any myths or stereotypes about homosexuality because these can be limiting as well. "All the good ones are taken." "Gay relationships don't work." "All gay men want is sex." "I have to be a stud to land a man." "Guys will come to me." If you believe any of these statements and the many others that exist, recognize these as misinformation that can be confusing and distort reality and work hard at challenging and defeating such negative self-talk so that they don't get in the way of your goals.
4. He knows what dating means and how to do it instead of just having sex.
For many gay men, having sex and/or jumping into a relationship too early is a common phenomenon. Because of our homophobic society, we were never taught how to date, so gays don't typically have pacing rituals or milestones like our straight counterparts do for dating. This, coupled with relief after years of isolation and having a strong need to feel loved/wanted/connected, fuels us to rush intimacy too quickly and establish premature connections without knowing more about the other guy. It's important to build a foundation first as this helps us make good choices. Learn how to pace and slow things down by learning how to add courtship, flirting, and romance to the mix.
3. He is emotionally and physically available and ready for love.
Have the time and space to invite a person into your world. It will be difficult to establish a connection with someone if your time schedule is too booked up. Also be ready emotionally by ensuring you've resolved any baggage from your past or addressing any current personal issues that may distract you and sabotage your efforts at love. And most importantly, be yourself! Don't be someone that you think he wants you to be. Don't mold yourself around someone just to be in a relationship. You'll end up resenting him and yourself for your dishonesty. Remember to live by your personal requirements and have your own individual identity.
2. He has a well-rounded repertoire of dating skills and knows how to use them.
Dating skills include such things as knowing where to meet men (pick venues aligned with your vision!), being assertive, having good communication skills, being able to initiate and maintain conversations, differentiating between guys who are cruising vs. serious dating candidates, knowing how to flirt, etc. The more developed you are in these types of skills, the more savvy and confident you will feel when in social situations and you'll be more magnetic!
1. He is a go-getter and takes charge of his life. He makes things happen!
Nothing will happen in your life unless you take the proactive steps to make changes. This is not an easy task, especially if you're shy or hesitant because of past efforts that didn't work out, but you have to be the chooser and take risks. In most cases, things will not fall in your lap. You will need to do the work involved in making your vision become a reality. Whether it be combating procrastination or dealing with fears of rejection, conquer your anxieties directly. And do it NOW! The more you run or avoid anxiety, the stronger it gets. And don't put your life on hold either. One man once told me, "I'll start dating after I lose weight." No! Live your life to the max now while you're working on such goals. There's no greater loss than postponing living your life.
Conclusion
So there you have it! Ten areas where you can assess yourself on the successful dater scale. Dating can be fun AND challenging, so the more prepared you are for inviting love into your life, the greater the chances of victory. Identify the strengths and weaknesses you may have from this profile and make a commitment to yourself to develop goals for improving up your weak spots and follow through with them. While it's not foolproof, you will greatly improve your chances in the dating pool and you'll also be strengthening your personhood in the process, adding more value and richness to your life. Your Mr. Right is out there. Now go get him!
©2006 Brian L. Rzepczynski
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:
Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com
Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!
Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private coaching practice, The Gay Love Coach: Man 4 Man Coaching Services (http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com), in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, on developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a free monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the co-author of the 2005 self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion."
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brian_Rzepczynski
Top 10 Qualities of Gay Super-Couples
Introduction
So what makes a healthy and lasting long-term gay relationship successful? Our society certainly doesn't make it easy for us as gay men to date and mate with all the homophobia and discrimination that exists. Though this is slowly starting to change in many parts of the world, man-to-man love continues to be stigmatized and this backdrop of cultural oppression and hatred can put a strain on a gay couple's budding relationship that many heterosexual pairs may take for granted. As a gay community, we lack adequate and visible positive role models of gay couples that provide hope for lasting relationship success. As men, we've been conditioned to define our masculinity in rigid and narrow ways as part of the socialization process growing up and this can create conflict when pairing up two individuals of the same gender looking for intimacy and emotional connection. And then we have our own layers of discrimination and pressure in our own gay community that at times can leave gay couples feeling unsupported and uninspired to achieve relationship longevity in the one place they thought they'd be safe-among their own.
While the odds do seem to be stacked against us in the fight for the dream of claiming our rightful husband with the accompanying house, white picket fence, and prideful rainbow flag securely attached to the front porch, they don't have to be obstacles to our success. Having to face so much adversity has actually enabled many of us to be quite resilient in the face of stress and makes us good candidates for partnerships with the right focus and determination. There are many gay men in long-term relationships who can vouch for their fulfillment of this dream and speak of happiness and bliss in their coupled status. But what are the ingredients that make a healthy gay relationship?
Characteristics of Successful Gay Couples
There is no specific blueprint or formula for how to maintain a lasting and successful relationship. One of the beauties of being gay is that we can create our own definitions of what constitutes an ideal relationship for ourselves as we are not hampered down by restrictive gender roles and norms like our heterosexual counterparts. Each couple develops their own unique partnership that works for them. That being said, there are some universal qualities that can promote a more solid and functional relationship over the long haul for partners seeking long-term connection and happiness.
Successful gay couples can exhibit some of the following...
1. They share compatible interests and philosophies of life.
It's important that partners have similar interests and hobbies to share in common to build experiences with together, but it's also essential to have some differences as well to complement each other. This helps to keep the mystery and intrigue alive in the relationship that exists with contrast. Who wants to have an exact replica of themselves that they interact with on a daily basis?! Boring! What is absolutely critical, however, is that both partners will have a smoother and more fulfilling relationship if they share comparable value systems. This forms the foundation of what the couple believes in and is the diving board from which they co-create a vision for their future together as a united front and alliance for life.
2. They openly communicate with each other and stay engaged in each other's lives.
This involves direct and honest dialogue about the mundane aspects of life to the serious thoughts and feelings that get triggered as a part of relationship dynamics. The partners create a climate in their home where each feels safe and comfortable sharing vulnerable aspects of themselves with each other and are attuned to each other's needs. Listening skills are primed and each feels like an active participant in the relationship. Issues are not swept under the rug and are dealt with immediately in an assertive and caring way.
3. They manage conflict productively.
Healthy gay couples recognize that conflict is an inevitable and normal part of a relationship, seeing these "rough spots" as opportunities for growth and positive change in their partnership. They deal with their anger in constructive ways, avoid hurtful comments and assigning of blame, and take the time to understand and validate each other's points of views before initiating collaborative problem-solving to try and reach a win/win solution. They are open to compromise and sacrifice and always keep a teamwork stance in negotiating their differences.
4. They have a balanced lifestyle comprised of both individual and couple identities.
In relationships it's important to have time devoted to nourishing the relationship and also to focus on individual interests and pursuits. Too much "couple identity" causes both partners to feel suffocated. Too much "individual identity" creates a feeling of being disconnected and living as roommates. Striking a positive balance of both brings in just enough freshness and vitality to the relationship where boundaries are strong and healthy. Each partner feels supported by the other for striving for their own personal growth and goals without feeling threatened because the relationship vision is also being attended to simultaneously.
5. They have fun with life and try not to take things so seriously.
Life can be stressful, so why add to the tension with a hardened demeanor? Successful couples are those that are playful with each other, enjoy a humorous banter between the two of them, and feel energized by such things as tickling, cracking jokes, pulling pranks on each other, and being perverted with each other. All things are done in a loving way and this approach to their interactivity creates an atmosphere of laughter and celebration for being in each other's lives.
6. They enjoy a sensual and sexual camaraderie that helps them to meet their erotic potential.
The happiest couples tend to report enjoying nonsexual affection in their daily lives through spontaneous touch, verbal strokes, holding hands, cuddling, and massage. They also understand the importance of maintaining a passionate sexual connection through regular pleasuring sessions and keeping their erotic lives energetic and enjoyable. Even for those couples in "open relationships", the sexual relationship with their partner remains an important component of intimacy for them and they find ways to meet each other's needs, even when one isn't necessarily in the mood.
7. They have a supportive network of family and friends who honor their relationship.>
Having the backing and encouragement of loved ones can be a great impetus for reinforcing a gay couple's commitment. Surrounding themselves with positive and affirming people can be a great boost.
8. They are comfortable with their sexuality and not afraid to show it.
Sexual identity struggles and internalized homophobia can really drag a relationship down unless both men tend to be in the same boat with their levels of outness. Confident and successful gay couples are comfortable being in relationship with each other no matter the setting or public domain. Whether it's trying out a mattress at the local bedding store or attending a social function in a mixed-orientation crowd, these couples feel secure enough in their identities and relationship to combat any potential homophobia they may face by proudly being themselves. Being able to be free and uninhibited is a truly liberating feeling for a gay couple.
9. They possess the following in their partnership: trust, commitment, honesty, openness, flexibility, loyalty, dedication and devotion, quality time, sensitivity, nonjudgmental attitudes, loving and unafraid to express their feelings and passionate side, etc.
These are obvious hallmark characteristics that typify a healthy relationship, but gay men in particular are vulnerable to power struggles, competition, and issues surrounding intimacy and closeness due to male socialization in their man-to-man relationships. Successful couples are aware of these pitfalls and work hard to embrace a holistic masculinity that counters the stereotypes they've been engrained with.
10. They place a high premium on their lives together and are focused on not taking each other for granted.
Successful gay couples realize that the busyness of life can very easily put their relationship on the back shelf, but they don't let it! They ensure that they devote quality time together, schedule special "date nights" with each other, and are attentive to each other's needs. They make sure they are diligently working toward their shared relationship vision, validate their partner in the ways he likes it most, and make sure to show through words and actions how much they appreciate their guy being in their lives.
Conclusion
So how did you and your partner do? These are only some of the qualities that comprise a healthy gay relationship and it's up to you and your man to define the parameters of what that would look and feel like for your unique relationship. Use these tips as a springboard to discuss how things are going in your relationship to gauge your strengths and areas for growth and craft an action plan to make things even better between the two of you.
© 2009 Brian L. Rzepczynski
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:
Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://thegaylovecoach.com
Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brian_Rzepczynski
So what makes a healthy and lasting long-term gay relationship successful? Our society certainly doesn't make it easy for us as gay men to date and mate with all the homophobia and discrimination that exists. Though this is slowly starting to change in many parts of the world, man-to-man love continues to be stigmatized and this backdrop of cultural oppression and hatred can put a strain on a gay couple's budding relationship that many heterosexual pairs may take for granted. As a gay community, we lack adequate and visible positive role models of gay couples that provide hope for lasting relationship success. As men, we've been conditioned to define our masculinity in rigid and narrow ways as part of the socialization process growing up and this can create conflict when pairing up two individuals of the same gender looking for intimacy and emotional connection. And then we have our own layers of discrimination and pressure in our own gay community that at times can leave gay couples feeling unsupported and uninspired to achieve relationship longevity in the one place they thought they'd be safe-among their own.
While the odds do seem to be stacked against us in the fight for the dream of claiming our rightful husband with the accompanying house, white picket fence, and prideful rainbow flag securely attached to the front porch, they don't have to be obstacles to our success. Having to face so much adversity has actually enabled many of us to be quite resilient in the face of stress and makes us good candidates for partnerships with the right focus and determination. There are many gay men in long-term relationships who can vouch for their fulfillment of this dream and speak of happiness and bliss in their coupled status. But what are the ingredients that make a healthy gay relationship?
Characteristics of Successful Gay Couples
There is no specific blueprint or formula for how to maintain a lasting and successful relationship. One of the beauties of being gay is that we can create our own definitions of what constitutes an ideal relationship for ourselves as we are not hampered down by restrictive gender roles and norms like our heterosexual counterparts. Each couple develops their own unique partnership that works for them. That being said, there are some universal qualities that can promote a more solid and functional relationship over the long haul for partners seeking long-term connection and happiness.
Successful gay couples can exhibit some of the following...
1. They share compatible interests and philosophies of life.
It's important that partners have similar interests and hobbies to share in common to build experiences with together, but it's also essential to have some differences as well to complement each other. This helps to keep the mystery and intrigue alive in the relationship that exists with contrast. Who wants to have an exact replica of themselves that they interact with on a daily basis?! Boring! What is absolutely critical, however, is that both partners will have a smoother and more fulfilling relationship if they share comparable value systems. This forms the foundation of what the couple believes in and is the diving board from which they co-create a vision for their future together as a united front and alliance for life.
2. They openly communicate with each other and stay engaged in each other's lives.
This involves direct and honest dialogue about the mundane aspects of life to the serious thoughts and feelings that get triggered as a part of relationship dynamics. The partners create a climate in their home where each feels safe and comfortable sharing vulnerable aspects of themselves with each other and are attuned to each other's needs. Listening skills are primed and each feels like an active participant in the relationship. Issues are not swept under the rug and are dealt with immediately in an assertive and caring way.
3. They manage conflict productively.
Healthy gay couples recognize that conflict is an inevitable and normal part of a relationship, seeing these "rough spots" as opportunities for growth and positive change in their partnership. They deal with their anger in constructive ways, avoid hurtful comments and assigning of blame, and take the time to understand and validate each other's points of views before initiating collaborative problem-solving to try and reach a win/win solution. They are open to compromise and sacrifice and always keep a teamwork stance in negotiating their differences.
4. They have a balanced lifestyle comprised of both individual and couple identities.
In relationships it's important to have time devoted to nourishing the relationship and also to focus on individual interests and pursuits. Too much "couple identity" causes both partners to feel suffocated. Too much "individual identity" creates a feeling of being disconnected and living as roommates. Striking a positive balance of both brings in just enough freshness and vitality to the relationship where boundaries are strong and healthy. Each partner feels supported by the other for striving for their own personal growth and goals without feeling threatened because the relationship vision is also being attended to simultaneously.
5. They have fun with life and try not to take things so seriously.
Life can be stressful, so why add to the tension with a hardened demeanor? Successful couples are those that are playful with each other, enjoy a humorous banter between the two of them, and feel energized by such things as tickling, cracking jokes, pulling pranks on each other, and being perverted with each other. All things are done in a loving way and this approach to their interactivity creates an atmosphere of laughter and celebration for being in each other's lives.
6. They enjoy a sensual and sexual camaraderie that helps them to meet their erotic potential.
The happiest couples tend to report enjoying nonsexual affection in their daily lives through spontaneous touch, verbal strokes, holding hands, cuddling, and massage. They also understand the importance of maintaining a passionate sexual connection through regular pleasuring sessions and keeping their erotic lives energetic and enjoyable. Even for those couples in "open relationships", the sexual relationship with their partner remains an important component of intimacy for them and they find ways to meet each other's needs, even when one isn't necessarily in the mood.
7. They have a supportive network of family and friends who honor their relationship.>
Having the backing and encouragement of loved ones can be a great impetus for reinforcing a gay couple's commitment. Surrounding themselves with positive and affirming people can be a great boost.
8. They are comfortable with their sexuality and not afraid to show it.
Sexual identity struggles and internalized homophobia can really drag a relationship down unless both men tend to be in the same boat with their levels of outness. Confident and successful gay couples are comfortable being in relationship with each other no matter the setting or public domain. Whether it's trying out a mattress at the local bedding store or attending a social function in a mixed-orientation crowd, these couples feel secure enough in their identities and relationship to combat any potential homophobia they may face by proudly being themselves. Being able to be free and uninhibited is a truly liberating feeling for a gay couple.
9. They possess the following in their partnership: trust, commitment, honesty, openness, flexibility, loyalty, dedication and devotion, quality time, sensitivity, nonjudgmental attitudes, loving and unafraid to express their feelings and passionate side, etc.
These are obvious hallmark characteristics that typify a healthy relationship, but gay men in particular are vulnerable to power struggles, competition, and issues surrounding intimacy and closeness due to male socialization in their man-to-man relationships. Successful couples are aware of these pitfalls and work hard to embrace a holistic masculinity that counters the stereotypes they've been engrained with.
10. They place a high premium on their lives together and are focused on not taking each other for granted.
Successful gay couples realize that the busyness of life can very easily put their relationship on the back shelf, but they don't let it! They ensure that they devote quality time together, schedule special "date nights" with each other, and are attentive to each other's needs. They make sure they are diligently working toward their shared relationship vision, validate their partner in the ways he likes it most, and make sure to show through words and actions how much they appreciate their guy being in their lives.
Conclusion
So how did you and your partner do? These are only some of the qualities that comprise a healthy gay relationship and it's up to you and your man to define the parameters of what that would look and feel like for your unique relationship. Use these tips as a springboard to discuss how things are going in your relationship to gauge your strengths and areas for growth and craft an action plan to make things even better between the two of you.
© 2009 Brian L. Rzepczynski
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Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit http://thegaylovecoach.com
Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brian_Rzepczynski
The Place Of Gay Films In The Broader Culture
The gay community is one that is often misinterpreted or misunderstood by the masses. The amount of suffering and pain inflicted on these individuals in indescribable. Despite this, these individuals manage to create works of cultural significance through the use of art mediums such as cinematography. Gay videos and movies showcase both the hardships and rewards that are given from being a homosexual. These can also offer some insight into a moral or affliction that is present in the mind of society.
Culture-wise, homosexuals have always proven to be topics of discussion with various communities unlike their own; who do not wish to see their emotions being shown outside of themselves. Preference or not, these persons continue to resort to film as a way of expressing these feelings that are often suppressed for fear of retaliation.
Films such as Gus Van Sant's Milk are gateways to understanding the psychology of homosexuals. Often, individuals such as the portrayed character Harvey Milk are reputable members of society, only burdened with the otherwise lax and normal representation of being gay. This led to his eventual murder, of which the movie dramatizes. The film is lauded as being a superior gay film, as it is accessible to many different persons, rather than just homosexuals.
Videos featuring homosexuals include many different aspects in their execution. For one example, there is often a tale of repression of homosexual feelings, as well as the desire to hide these emotions from family members or friends. By doing so, the individual commits themselves to a life of utter despair; being unable to express what they feel emotionally or physically.
In regards to this, these films can feature a heterosexual person who is "closeted" or suppressing their feelings knowingly. Likewise, a homosexual character can help to alleviate this pressure by assuring the individual that the feelings are benign in nature, though others may not believe this to be so, and thus cause conflict within the story.
Films that show the "homosexual lifestyle" are often an attempt to dissuade skeptics who believe that each individual is part of the same community in terms of how they interact or carry themselves. However, with these persons, the opposite can also hold true when seen in a film.
In those that try to debunk these allegations, the film often shows the various sides of what a homosexual feels towards others, making their feelings of affection seem more realistic, as is not commonly perceived by normal viewers. This is a strong selling point for directors who wish their videos to be more accurate in capturing the emotion felt by these individuals.
The impact of these films is crucial if it is to resonate with those who feel that homosexuals are incapable of feeling basic human emotions such as love and commitment. These films also help to provide those that are homosexual to embrace their feelings and emotions, rather than disregard or suppress them. It is important for each individual to know that what they feel is both natural and normal.
The number of quality gay-themed films might astonish members of the mainstream society. While some of these theatrical release and art-house movies vary greatly in terms of artistic merit, the online world provides a wealth of gay movie reviews to help separate the wheat, such as the superb The Mudge Boy, from the chaff.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Greg_Scott
Culture-wise, homosexuals have always proven to be topics of discussion with various communities unlike their own; who do not wish to see their emotions being shown outside of themselves. Preference or not, these persons continue to resort to film as a way of expressing these feelings that are often suppressed for fear of retaliation.
Films such as Gus Van Sant's Milk are gateways to understanding the psychology of homosexuals. Often, individuals such as the portrayed character Harvey Milk are reputable members of society, only burdened with the otherwise lax and normal representation of being gay. This led to his eventual murder, of which the movie dramatizes. The film is lauded as being a superior gay film, as it is accessible to many different persons, rather than just homosexuals.
Videos featuring homosexuals include many different aspects in their execution. For one example, there is often a tale of repression of homosexual feelings, as well as the desire to hide these emotions from family members or friends. By doing so, the individual commits themselves to a life of utter despair; being unable to express what they feel emotionally or physically.
In regards to this, these films can feature a heterosexual person who is "closeted" or suppressing their feelings knowingly. Likewise, a homosexual character can help to alleviate this pressure by assuring the individual that the feelings are benign in nature, though others may not believe this to be so, and thus cause conflict within the story.
Films that show the "homosexual lifestyle" are often an attempt to dissuade skeptics who believe that each individual is part of the same community in terms of how they interact or carry themselves. However, with these persons, the opposite can also hold true when seen in a film.
In those that try to debunk these allegations, the film often shows the various sides of what a homosexual feels towards others, making their feelings of affection seem more realistic, as is not commonly perceived by normal viewers. This is a strong selling point for directors who wish their videos to be more accurate in capturing the emotion felt by these individuals.
The impact of these films is crucial if it is to resonate with those who feel that homosexuals are incapable of feeling basic human emotions such as love and commitment. These films also help to provide those that are homosexual to embrace their feelings and emotions, rather than disregard or suppress them. It is important for each individual to know that what they feel is both natural and normal.
The number of quality gay-themed films might astonish members of the mainstream society. While some of these theatrical release and art-house movies vary greatly in terms of artistic merit, the online world provides a wealth of gay movie reviews to help separate the wheat, such as the superb The Mudge Boy, from the chaff.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Greg_Scott
Child Custody Disputes Involving Gay and Lesbian Parents
Millions of gay men and lesbian women across the nation have biological or adoptive children. With modern technology and medical advances, some of these same-sex couples are now having children together through assisted reproduction techniques. Gay men can use a surrogate to carry a child that will be born from one partner's sperm and a donor egg, and lesbian women can bear children with a donor's sperm. However, a majority of individuals in gay or lesbian relationships became parents in the context of a previous heterosexual relationship or marriage. Once the individual comes out as gay or lesbian, he or she usually wants child custody even in their new partnership situation. Therefore, when a lesbian or gay man is involved in a child custody dispute with the other parent, it is likely that the dispute will be with a heterosexual person.
This type of child custody dispute has only become popular in the last decade. Back in the 1960's when anti-gay discrimination was widespread, it was common for gay and lesbian parents to be stripped of their parental rights altogether. It wasn't until 1967 that things began to change for the gay and lesbian community. In Nadler v. Superior Court, the California Court of Appeal reprimanded a trial court for ruling that a lesbian mother was presumptively unfit. With this ruling, the state of California set the precedent for the next couple of decades, in which courts in most states adopted a similar evidence-based, child-centered approach for child custody cases.
Today, only a few states remain in which courts are permitted to automatically presume that a lesbian or gay parent is unfit to be a child's primary custodian. States that have adopted a nondiscriminatory approach include Georgia, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Arkansas, South Carolina, West Virginia, and more. However, discrimination against gay and lesbian parents still exists in subtle forms. For example, some state courts may prohibit divorced parents from living with an unmarried partner as a condition of custody or visitation rights. Courts may also rule that parents cannot bring their children to religious services that affirm lesbian or gay people.
Even though the court prejudice has dramatically improved over the last forty years, gay and lesbian parents are still the victims of discrimination in custody and visitation cases in some states. When determining custody rights, it is the responsibility of the court to take into consideration the parent-child relationship and certain factors that are involved, such as the length of the relationship between the adults, and whether or not the parent already lives with the child. The court must also consider the intentions of both partners to work together, and if there were any parenting agreements signed. Despite several court victories and overall improvements in California and other states, gay and lesbian parents seeking custody of their children may face court discrimination in some states. If you are a gay or lesbian parent seeking to win custody rights of your children after a divorce, a skilled divorce lawyer can provide the dedicated legal counsel you need to fight for your rights in court.
The attorneys at Hanson, Gorian & Bradford are skilled in handling all types of family law and divorce cases. We are committed to helping clients during the difficult times surrounding divorce, custody and visitation disputes. Our firm is passionate about providing clients with personalized attention outside of the courtroom, and we are always available to answer your questions and concerns. A Riverside divorce attorney at our firm will provide compassionate support and legal guidance during your case, and will fight for your rights in court. Regardless of whether you are fighting for child support, child custody or dealing with spousal support issues, we have the resources you need to succeed in any type of family law case. Our firm helps individuals and families throughout the Riverside area with dedicated and experienced legal counsel, and we can help you achieve your legal objectives as well. Contact a Riverside divorce attorney or visit our website at http://www.divorceattorneysriverside.com to learn more about what we can do for you.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shaun_Hanson
This type of child custody dispute has only become popular in the last decade. Back in the 1960's when anti-gay discrimination was widespread, it was common for gay and lesbian parents to be stripped of their parental rights altogether. It wasn't until 1967 that things began to change for the gay and lesbian community. In Nadler v. Superior Court, the California Court of Appeal reprimanded a trial court for ruling that a lesbian mother was presumptively unfit. With this ruling, the state of California set the precedent for the next couple of decades, in which courts in most states adopted a similar evidence-based, child-centered approach for child custody cases.
Today, only a few states remain in which courts are permitted to automatically presume that a lesbian or gay parent is unfit to be a child's primary custodian. States that have adopted a nondiscriminatory approach include Georgia, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Arkansas, South Carolina, West Virginia, and more. However, discrimination against gay and lesbian parents still exists in subtle forms. For example, some state courts may prohibit divorced parents from living with an unmarried partner as a condition of custody or visitation rights. Courts may also rule that parents cannot bring their children to religious services that affirm lesbian or gay people.
Even though the court prejudice has dramatically improved over the last forty years, gay and lesbian parents are still the victims of discrimination in custody and visitation cases in some states. When determining custody rights, it is the responsibility of the court to take into consideration the parent-child relationship and certain factors that are involved, such as the length of the relationship between the adults, and whether or not the parent already lives with the child. The court must also consider the intentions of both partners to work together, and if there were any parenting agreements signed. Despite several court victories and overall improvements in California and other states, gay and lesbian parents seeking custody of their children may face court discrimination in some states. If you are a gay or lesbian parent seeking to win custody rights of your children after a divorce, a skilled divorce lawyer can provide the dedicated legal counsel you need to fight for your rights in court.
The attorneys at Hanson, Gorian & Bradford are skilled in handling all types of family law and divorce cases. We are committed to helping clients during the difficult times surrounding divorce, custody and visitation disputes. Our firm is passionate about providing clients with personalized attention outside of the courtroom, and we are always available to answer your questions and concerns. A Riverside divorce attorney at our firm will provide compassionate support and legal guidance during your case, and will fight for your rights in court. Regardless of whether you are fighting for child support, child custody or dealing with spousal support issues, we have the resources you need to succeed in any type of family law case. Our firm helps individuals and families throughout the Riverside area with dedicated and experienced legal counsel, and we can help you achieve your legal objectives as well. Contact a Riverside divorce attorney or visit our website at http://www.divorceattorneysriverside.com to learn more about what we can do for you.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shaun_Hanson
Coming Out to Your Friends As Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual
The words 'coming out' has different meaning for different people. For some men and women, identifying as a lesbian or gay means self acceptance, acknowledging that they are attracted to people of the same sex and want to develop sexual, romantic relationships with them. For others, it means, letting people they care about know that they are not heterosexual; that it is necessary to verbalize a word that lets them know you're different. Most importantly for most, it's because they want to be truthful with their friends and not hold any secrets. Whatever your reasons, identifying as a lesbian or gay man can be a liberating and even euphoric experience.
Coming out, can be a lengthy painful process, or a short, celebratory one, it really depends on your unique circumstances and your mindset. Most North American societies have laws that protect lesbians and gays however, many women and men still remain in the 'closet' mainly due to fears of how others will react.
These thoughts may be prevalent in your mind:
Will they stop being my friend?
Will they stop talking to me?
Will they tell everyone they know?
The following suggestions may help you come out to your friend:
Visualize
Thinking about all the possible scenarios and outcomes can be stressful and create a lot of anxiety. Begin to change your way of thinking from the negative to the positive. Visualize how you will come out to a friend and visualize their positive response to you. Do this often and until you feel comfortable and at ease with the notion of being out to your friend.
Engage Conversation
Engage your friend in a discussion about a lesbian or gay issue, for example: What do you think of Pride? How do you feel about lesbian/gay marriages becoming legal in NY (first lesbian couple to wed, Kitty Lambert and Cheryle Rudd).
Listen to your friend, accept whatever opinion he or she expresses to you, then add your opinion, making sure you express a favourable viewpoint. Do not over talk, change conversations if it starts getting heated. If not, and your friend shows a lot of acceptance in relation to the lesbian/gay theme of your discussion, than you know that your friend may accept you well.
Watch a Movie
Today there are many movies or TV shows, that have a gay/lesbian theme, Imagine Me and You (for women), Priest (for men). Ask your friend to see one with you. Later, over a coffee or tea talk about the movie, and specifically the gay/lesbian character. Make sure you do not judge your friend, and always present a positive view of the film and it's lesbian/gay content.
Once you start getting positive responses from your friend, you can start bringing the issue closer to home by initiating a discussion about someone you know that is lesbian or gay. Talk about this person in a positive way, referring to how others have accepted his or her's sexual orientation.
Come Out
One day, and do not plan the day, come out as a lesbian or gay man to your friend. Don't plan the day or the time, as this may create anxiety. However, make up your mind that you will be coming out to your friend when the opportunity presents itself. Make sure you're doing something fun, and that you're both in a good mood. The words you use to come out are entirely up to you, some like to say: "I'm a lesbian, I am gay" ` I now identify as lesbian, I now identify as gay", "I'm attracted to women,`` I am attracted to men" " I prefer to only date women/men" "I am a gay woman", "I am bisexual" and so forth. Whatever manner you choose, do it with confidence and with the certainty that you'll be accepted, most likely your friend will feel your positive energy and will accept you wholeheartedly.
Esmeralda Carvalho is a writer for Lesbian Moms Today, http://www.lesbianmomtoday.com/ a website for lesbian moms and their families to connect, talk about parenting, family, relationship, healthy living, films, travel and events.
She has an Honours BA in Sociology and Psychology, has founded a lesbian/gay association and has chaired various committees on lesbian/gay issues, parenting and health.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Esmeralda_Carvalho
Coming out, can be a lengthy painful process, or a short, celebratory one, it really depends on your unique circumstances and your mindset. Most North American societies have laws that protect lesbians and gays however, many women and men still remain in the 'closet' mainly due to fears of how others will react.
These thoughts may be prevalent in your mind:
Will they stop being my friend?
Will they stop talking to me?
Will they tell everyone they know?
The following suggestions may help you come out to your friend:
Visualize
Thinking about all the possible scenarios and outcomes can be stressful and create a lot of anxiety. Begin to change your way of thinking from the negative to the positive. Visualize how you will come out to a friend and visualize their positive response to you. Do this often and until you feel comfortable and at ease with the notion of being out to your friend.
Engage Conversation
Engage your friend in a discussion about a lesbian or gay issue, for example: What do you think of Pride? How do you feel about lesbian/gay marriages becoming legal in NY (first lesbian couple to wed, Kitty Lambert and Cheryle Rudd).
Listen to your friend, accept whatever opinion he or she expresses to you, then add your opinion, making sure you express a favourable viewpoint. Do not over talk, change conversations if it starts getting heated. If not, and your friend shows a lot of acceptance in relation to the lesbian/gay theme of your discussion, than you know that your friend may accept you well.
Watch a Movie
Today there are many movies or TV shows, that have a gay/lesbian theme, Imagine Me and You (for women), Priest (for men). Ask your friend to see one with you. Later, over a coffee or tea talk about the movie, and specifically the gay/lesbian character. Make sure you do not judge your friend, and always present a positive view of the film and it's lesbian/gay content.
Once you start getting positive responses from your friend, you can start bringing the issue closer to home by initiating a discussion about someone you know that is lesbian or gay. Talk about this person in a positive way, referring to how others have accepted his or her's sexual orientation.
Come Out
One day, and do not plan the day, come out as a lesbian or gay man to your friend. Don't plan the day or the time, as this may create anxiety. However, make up your mind that you will be coming out to your friend when the opportunity presents itself. Make sure you're doing something fun, and that you're both in a good mood. The words you use to come out are entirely up to you, some like to say: "I'm a lesbian, I am gay" ` I now identify as lesbian, I now identify as gay", "I'm attracted to women,`` I am attracted to men" " I prefer to only date women/men" "I am a gay woman", "I am bisexual" and so forth. Whatever manner you choose, do it with confidence and with the certainty that you'll be accepted, most likely your friend will feel your positive energy and will accept you wholeheartedly.
Esmeralda Carvalho is a writer for Lesbian Moms Today, http://www.lesbianmomtoday.com/ a website for lesbian moms and their families to connect, talk about parenting, family, relationship, healthy living, films, travel and events.
She has an Honours BA in Sociology and Psychology, has founded a lesbian/gay association and has chaired various committees on lesbian/gay issues, parenting and health.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Esmeralda_Carvalho
What Is Gay Positive Therapy?
Gay positive therapy recognizes the natural expression of same-sex attraction in gay relationships. Also referred to as "gay-affirmative" or "gay-friendly" therapy, it counters the mistaken assumptions of previous efforts to change sexual orientation.
There is no scientific evidence for treatment or prevention of a gay sexual orientation. Attempts to change sexual orientation are based on misguided assumptions about the nature of sexual development. Efforts to change sexual orientation ("reparative therapy" or SOCE: Sexual Orientation Change Efforts) have been discredited by all the mental health professions (psychiatry, psychology, and clinical social work), plus the American Medical Association. And many religious concerns have been addressed by gays within their own religious traditions.
Starting with the refreshing assumption that it's "Okay to be gay" can be a great relief for many gay men seeking help for other issues they may be dealing with in their lives--whether it's anxiety and depression (often stemming from anti-gay attitudes from our families, churches, or anti-gay bullying), or the everyday conflicts that often arise in any relationship, gay or straight.
Therapy often involves making a connection between how you're feeling now, and what's happened to you in the past. Whatever difficulties you've had as a result of the homophobia you've experienced can be dealt with in an open and accepting manner. If you're feeling blocked, we question whether some of the assumptions and conclusions you made when you were younger still make sense as an adult.
It's helpful to think of the block, whatever it is, not as some internal enemy, but as a part of you that kept you safe in some way. It may be that as an adult, the conclusions you reached when you were younger no longer serve you.
Some people find themselves caught in the same pattern over and over again--like falling in love with someone who's not emotionally available. We look at where this pattern comes from: with this example, it may be an attempt to master a previous abandonment. Understanding this pattern doesn't necessarily mean you won't be attracted to unavailable partners, but you'll be able to make a more conscious choice about whether to pursue them.
Recovery from various addictions can also motivate you to seek gay positive therapy. When you stop using alcohol, drugs, sex, food, or debt to escape from not feeling good about yourself, your emotional life becomes much more accessible. You may feel worse before you feel better, so it helps to get re-acquainted with yourself in a gay-positive and accepting environment when you're no longer "self-medicating" to push feelings away.
Gay positive therapists can help you counter homophobic or other negative messages you may have internalized, and replace them with a more realistic and positive assessment of your true abilities. Gay affirmative therapy can help gay men who want to get a better grip on their lives, without being concerned they will be judged or told there's something wrong with them for being gay.
Gay Therapist Rik Isensee, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist in San Francisco. For over thirty years, Rik has been helping gay men and gay couples: solve conflicts and feel more connected in gay relationships; recover from abuse and self-defeating behavior; and thrive in the face of life's transitions!
Rik is the author of three self-books for gay men: Love Between Men, a guide to solving conflicts in gay relationships; Reclaiming Your Life, a guide to recovery from homophobic abuse, addictions, and self-defeating behavior; and Are You Ready? the gay men's guide to thriving at midlife. He's also the author of The God Squad, a spoof on the so-called "ex-gay" movement, making fun of the ludicrous attempts to try and make lgbtq people go "straight." Get a free copy of "How to Approach Conflict--and Come Out Feeling Better on the Other Side!" at Rik's website: The Gay Therapist!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Rik_Isensee
There is no scientific evidence for treatment or prevention of a gay sexual orientation. Attempts to change sexual orientation are based on misguided assumptions about the nature of sexual development. Efforts to change sexual orientation ("reparative therapy" or SOCE: Sexual Orientation Change Efforts) have been discredited by all the mental health professions (psychiatry, psychology, and clinical social work), plus the American Medical Association. And many religious concerns have been addressed by gays within their own religious traditions.
Starting with the refreshing assumption that it's "Okay to be gay" can be a great relief for many gay men seeking help for other issues they may be dealing with in their lives--whether it's anxiety and depression (often stemming from anti-gay attitudes from our families, churches, or anti-gay bullying), or the everyday conflicts that often arise in any relationship, gay or straight.
Therapy often involves making a connection between how you're feeling now, and what's happened to you in the past. Whatever difficulties you've had as a result of the homophobia you've experienced can be dealt with in an open and accepting manner. If you're feeling blocked, we question whether some of the assumptions and conclusions you made when you were younger still make sense as an adult.
It's helpful to think of the block, whatever it is, not as some internal enemy, but as a part of you that kept you safe in some way. It may be that as an adult, the conclusions you reached when you were younger no longer serve you.
Some people find themselves caught in the same pattern over and over again--like falling in love with someone who's not emotionally available. We look at where this pattern comes from: with this example, it may be an attempt to master a previous abandonment. Understanding this pattern doesn't necessarily mean you won't be attracted to unavailable partners, but you'll be able to make a more conscious choice about whether to pursue them.
Recovery from various addictions can also motivate you to seek gay positive therapy. When you stop using alcohol, drugs, sex, food, or debt to escape from not feeling good about yourself, your emotional life becomes much more accessible. You may feel worse before you feel better, so it helps to get re-acquainted with yourself in a gay-positive and accepting environment when you're no longer "self-medicating" to push feelings away.
Gay positive therapists can help you counter homophobic or other negative messages you may have internalized, and replace them with a more realistic and positive assessment of your true abilities. Gay affirmative therapy can help gay men who want to get a better grip on their lives, without being concerned they will be judged or told there's something wrong with them for being gay.
Gay Therapist Rik Isensee, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist in San Francisco. For over thirty years, Rik has been helping gay men and gay couples: solve conflicts and feel more connected in gay relationships; recover from abuse and self-defeating behavior; and thrive in the face of life's transitions!
Rik is the author of three self-books for gay men: Love Between Men, a guide to solving conflicts in gay relationships; Reclaiming Your Life, a guide to recovery from homophobic abuse, addictions, and self-defeating behavior; and Are You Ready? the gay men's guide to thriving at midlife. He's also the author of The God Squad, a spoof on the so-called "ex-gay" movement, making fun of the ludicrous attempts to try and make lgbtq people go "straight." Get a free copy of "How to Approach Conflict--and Come Out Feeling Better on the Other Side!" at Rik's website: The Gay Therapist!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Rik_Isensee
What Gay Men Should Expect From Relationships
Some gay men put up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go home with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, sleep with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current lover, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers.
Ouch.
Here's what I find most concerning. Some gay men don't feel they have a right to be upset about these behaviors. They'll ask me why they feel so jealous and how can I help them let go of their jealousy. They think that the gay community believes in sexual freedom and it isn't cool or manly to object to their partner's sexual behavior.
In other words, they feel shame for experiencing hurt by the actions of their long-term partners.
Heterosexual couples get plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the typical social response when friends are told about poor relationship behavior among straight people. When gay men tell the same heartbreaking stories they are less likely to get a big response. Gay relationships are not given the same level of validity.
I'm not making an argument here for monogamy in gay men's long-term relationships. Men can have open relationships and still treat each other with great care and consideration. Gay men have led the way on redefining what defines a caring open relationship. Check out my blog entry entitled "Gay Men and Open Relationships: What Works?" for more on that position.
The point I am making is that if you feel jealous about your partner's sexual behaviors with other men, you need to validate those feelings. Those feelings are common and normal and deserve respect from both you and your partner.
There is plenty of research in psychology to back up the theory that an important reason we enter into relationships is to heal some of the old wounds we experienced in our earliest relationships with our parents, siblings, and peers. If your family had trouble providing you with emotional support as a child then one of the best ways you can heal from that loss is to experience deep emotional support from your adult partner. Most people are really hungry for this experience.
Couples that don't acknowledge that their relationship needs plenty of care, conversation, and consensus will hurt each other. Rather than helping to heal old wounds, these relationships just keep reinjuring. Psychotherapists call this "attachment wounding."
If your friends are telling you that you are putting up with too much from your boyfriend, it's often a sign that you are in a "codependent" position in your relationship. Codependence can be defined as compulsively taking care of other people rather than taking care of ourselves.
Here's the very least you should expect from your partner:
• Your partner should apologize when he discovers that he dropped you emotionally. Maybe not right away, but eventually.
• Your partner should not be harshly criticizing you, teasing you, or putting you down. If he does this occasionally he should be sincerely apologizing after each incident.
• Your partner should never hit you. Period.
• Being drunk is not an excuse for mean behavior.
• You deserve kindness from your partner. Not at every single moment, but on a regular weekly basis. This is really the whole point of being in a relationship.
If this topic resonated with you might want to check out the classic book on codependency: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
If you are tolerating unkind behavior then I urge you seriously reevaluate your relationship. Seek out individual or couples counseling if you need help in making the changes to create supportive, healthy relationships.
Adam D. Blum, MFT is a San Francisco psychotherapist specializing in relationship and self-esteem issues for gay men. He writes a blog on these topics at http://gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com/blog. Adam can be reached at 415-255-4266 or on his website at http://www.gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Adam_D_Blum
Ouch.
Here's what I find most concerning. Some gay men don't feel they have a right to be upset about these behaviors. They'll ask me why they feel so jealous and how can I help them let go of their jealousy. They think that the gay community believes in sexual freedom and it isn't cool or manly to object to their partner's sexual behavior.
In other words, they feel shame for experiencing hurt by the actions of their long-term partners.
Heterosexual couples get plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the typical social response when friends are told about poor relationship behavior among straight people. When gay men tell the same heartbreaking stories they are less likely to get a big response. Gay relationships are not given the same level of validity.
I'm not making an argument here for monogamy in gay men's long-term relationships. Men can have open relationships and still treat each other with great care and consideration. Gay men have led the way on redefining what defines a caring open relationship. Check out my blog entry entitled "Gay Men and Open Relationships: What Works?" for more on that position.
The point I am making is that if you feel jealous about your partner's sexual behaviors with other men, you need to validate those feelings. Those feelings are common and normal and deserve respect from both you and your partner.
There is plenty of research in psychology to back up the theory that an important reason we enter into relationships is to heal some of the old wounds we experienced in our earliest relationships with our parents, siblings, and peers. If your family had trouble providing you with emotional support as a child then one of the best ways you can heal from that loss is to experience deep emotional support from your adult partner. Most people are really hungry for this experience.
Couples that don't acknowledge that their relationship needs plenty of care, conversation, and consensus will hurt each other. Rather than helping to heal old wounds, these relationships just keep reinjuring. Psychotherapists call this "attachment wounding."
If your friends are telling you that you are putting up with too much from your boyfriend, it's often a sign that you are in a "codependent" position in your relationship. Codependence can be defined as compulsively taking care of other people rather than taking care of ourselves.
Here's the very least you should expect from your partner:
• Your partner should apologize when he discovers that he dropped you emotionally. Maybe not right away, but eventually.
• Your partner should not be harshly criticizing you, teasing you, or putting you down. If he does this occasionally he should be sincerely apologizing after each incident.
• Your partner should never hit you. Period.
• Being drunk is not an excuse for mean behavior.
• You deserve kindness from your partner. Not at every single moment, but on a regular weekly basis. This is really the whole point of being in a relationship.
If this topic resonated with you might want to check out the classic book on codependency: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
If you are tolerating unkind behavior then I urge you seriously reevaluate your relationship. Seek out individual or couples counseling if you need help in making the changes to create supportive, healthy relationships.
Adam D. Blum, MFT is a San Francisco psychotherapist specializing in relationship and self-esteem issues for gay men. He writes a blog on these topics at http://gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com/blog. Adam can be reached at 415-255-4266 or on his website at http://www.gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Adam_D_Blum
Gay Dating - How To Write A Fantastic And Appealing Gay Personal Ad
The first step is to join a gay dating singles sites. There are two great free ones if you don't want to spend any money. Once you become a member of one or two gay dating sites it's time to create your profile.
First off you have to think of you are gay personal ad as a business. The reason I say that is you are in competition with the dozens or hundreds or perhaps even thousands of other gay personal ads in your local area. Making yourself appealing on your own profile is both important and challenging. You want to make sure you attract the guys you are interested in but at the same time you want to make sure you repel the ones you won't be interested in.
So many singles profiles say something very generic like 'single gay guy looking for another gay guy'. Yea, that will work, it will get you tall dark-haired gay single men, it will get you short bald single guys, and everything in between. Hopefully you are a little more selective than that.
Know what you want - The first and most important tip is to know exactly what you're looking for. Imagine there is a magical gay genie standing before you and he will grant your relationship wish. You have to describe to him exactly who it is you are looking for. The more specific you can get the better. If you're having difficulty with this then think of what you definitely do not want.
Memorable screen name - this is pretty much the first thing another gay single at a dating site will see about you is your screen name. Make your screen name a combination of three or so words that you think would best describe you in three words. I know that may seem very difficult but do your best. Also to make your screen name easier to read and to make it stand out more make the first letter of each of those three words capitalized. So for example BodyBuildingHunk or HikingOutdoorGuy
Profile Pictures - One big mistake that many single gay guys make when uploading pictures to their profile is uploading nude or semi nude pictures of themselves. Is this really the first impression you want to make? Unless you're just looking for a one night hookup this gets guys interested in you for the wrong reasons. You're not going to find Mr. right with this kind of picture on your profile. The best pictures show your face clearly engaging in an activity that you are passionate about. If you're into hiking and have a good picture of you scaling the face of the mountain. When it comes to personal ads your screen name the next thing they see is your picture. When it comes to your dating profile of picture is worth a million words.
Profile Headline - this is another one of the first things other gay single man will see. Many times people will just scan a headline and decide to move on or read your profile based upon that. Think of your headline as an extension of your screen name except instead having to describe who you are in three words you now get about 10 to 15 words to do it. Try to use a headline that will create strong curiosity and compel the reader to click on your ad to read more about you.
Ad Text - if you've gotten somebody this far where they are actually reading your ads text you have done well so far. A big mistake many people make here is they describe physical attributes about themselves that are already listed in the profile details section, things like height, weight, eye color, hair color. Don't waste your text ad on this. Use your text ad to tell a story. That story should reveal who you are as a person, what is important to you, and delve more into your hobbies and interests. If you're having a little difficulty with this section a good idea is to look at other gay men's profiles and take note when one catches your attention. Figure out why that personal ad caught your attention and use that formula in your own gay dating profile.
Use these gay dating tips to create you are winning profile and if you have any questions I will be glad to answer them. Leave your questions in the form of a comment. And if you like this article please use the social buttons on this page to bookmark and share it.
The two Free gay dating singles websites...
Both of these gay dating sites are totally free and they have more features and options and tools than most paid gay dating sites. Pride gay dating and Metrodate gay dating.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shannon_Sapperstein
First off you have to think of you are gay personal ad as a business. The reason I say that is you are in competition with the dozens or hundreds or perhaps even thousands of other gay personal ads in your local area. Making yourself appealing on your own profile is both important and challenging. You want to make sure you attract the guys you are interested in but at the same time you want to make sure you repel the ones you won't be interested in.
So many singles profiles say something very generic like 'single gay guy looking for another gay guy'. Yea, that will work, it will get you tall dark-haired gay single men, it will get you short bald single guys, and everything in between. Hopefully you are a little more selective than that.
Know what you want - The first and most important tip is to know exactly what you're looking for. Imagine there is a magical gay genie standing before you and he will grant your relationship wish. You have to describe to him exactly who it is you are looking for. The more specific you can get the better. If you're having difficulty with this then think of what you definitely do not want.
Memorable screen name - this is pretty much the first thing another gay single at a dating site will see about you is your screen name. Make your screen name a combination of three or so words that you think would best describe you in three words. I know that may seem very difficult but do your best. Also to make your screen name easier to read and to make it stand out more make the first letter of each of those three words capitalized. So for example BodyBuildingHunk or HikingOutdoorGuy
Profile Pictures - One big mistake that many single gay guys make when uploading pictures to their profile is uploading nude or semi nude pictures of themselves. Is this really the first impression you want to make? Unless you're just looking for a one night hookup this gets guys interested in you for the wrong reasons. You're not going to find Mr. right with this kind of picture on your profile. The best pictures show your face clearly engaging in an activity that you are passionate about. If you're into hiking and have a good picture of you scaling the face of the mountain. When it comes to personal ads your screen name the next thing they see is your picture. When it comes to your dating profile of picture is worth a million words.
Profile Headline - this is another one of the first things other gay single man will see. Many times people will just scan a headline and decide to move on or read your profile based upon that. Think of your headline as an extension of your screen name except instead having to describe who you are in three words you now get about 10 to 15 words to do it. Try to use a headline that will create strong curiosity and compel the reader to click on your ad to read more about you.
Ad Text - if you've gotten somebody this far where they are actually reading your ads text you have done well so far. A big mistake many people make here is they describe physical attributes about themselves that are already listed in the profile details section, things like height, weight, eye color, hair color. Don't waste your text ad on this. Use your text ad to tell a story. That story should reveal who you are as a person, what is important to you, and delve more into your hobbies and interests. If you're having a little difficulty with this section a good idea is to look at other gay men's profiles and take note when one catches your attention. Figure out why that personal ad caught your attention and use that formula in your own gay dating profile.
Use these gay dating tips to create you are winning profile and if you have any questions I will be glad to answer them. Leave your questions in the form of a comment. And if you like this article please use the social buttons on this page to bookmark and share it.
The two Free gay dating singles websites...
Both of these gay dating sites are totally free and they have more features and options and tools than most paid gay dating sites. Pride gay dating and Metrodate gay dating.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shannon_Sapperstein
9 Halloween Costume Ideas For Gay Couples
Halloween is the time of the year that you want to dress in your favorite costumes. You get the chance for one day to show off to others the character or celebrity that you always want to be. During the Halloween party, it will be more fun if you dress up in a couples costume. It will give more life and laughs by dressing up as a couple. There are many costume ideas for couples to choose from like scary, funny, superhero, etc.
If you are a same sex couple then you don't need to feel being left out every time Halloween comes. Just like ordinary male and female couples, you and your partner can dress up as a couple and have fun. There are many costume ideas available for gay couples and below are some of them:
Ace & Gary
Often refered to as the 'Ambiguously Gay Duo', Ace and Gary are a parody of the comic superhero, Batman and Robin who are often accused of secretly having a relationship. Ace and Gary are mainstays of Saturday Night Live. They make a perfect costume idea for gay couples. Everyone will surely have fun at your Halloween party if you don these costumes.
Bert & Ernie
Everybody's favorite Sesame Street characters, Bert and Ernie is like your left and right hand. If one doesn't exist, there is just something missing. This makes a perfect gay couple costume idea.
Two Screws
Another funny gay couple costume idea that is a variation of the plug and plug costume. Instead of 2 plugs, use two screws for your costume which will definitely give a lot of laughs and giggles at your next Halloween party.
Dumb & Dumber
Sometimes we love to hate them but they just look so funny which makes them very adorable. Dumb and Dumber are like mirror images of each other. If you and your partner want to show the world that you are very much into each other then wearing this costume will tell subtly of your status.
Chip & Dale
This two chipmunks created by Walt Disney is another good costume idea for gay couples. You and your partner will surely have lots of fun dressing up as Chip and Dale. These chipmunks are known for their naughty disposition who are always pestering Donald Duck. Why not ask a friend to dress as Donald Duck to form a group costume.
Mario & Luigi
Who doesn't know of best pals Mario and Luigi from the Super Mario Bros. game which was very popular during the 80s. Dress up as this cute Italian plumber twins for lots of fun.
Batman and Robin
A classic gay couple costume idea. There is no better way to portray that you are a perfect couple than by dressing up as Batman and Robin. You and your partner will surely get giggles when you use dress up as the Dynamic Duo.
Wham!
Dress up as the British pop duo of the 80s. Become George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley at your next Halloween party. Wham! is one of the more popular pop bands of the 80s having sold over 25 million albums.
Peter Pan & Tinker Bell
Another costume idea that is a perfect fit for gay couples. You can be the boy from Neverland and your partner as the fairy, Tinker Bell If you prefer to portray a gentle character then dressing as Peter Pan and Tinker Bell is a good choice.
Wesley is blogger and editor at Halloween Costume Ideas For Couples. Costume Ideas For Couples is a website dedicated to provide you will the latest couples costume ideas.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Wesley_Yu
If you are a same sex couple then you don't need to feel being left out every time Halloween comes. Just like ordinary male and female couples, you and your partner can dress up as a couple and have fun. There are many costume ideas available for gay couples and below are some of them:
Ace & Gary
Often refered to as the 'Ambiguously Gay Duo', Ace and Gary are a parody of the comic superhero, Batman and Robin who are often accused of secretly having a relationship. Ace and Gary are mainstays of Saturday Night Live. They make a perfect costume idea for gay couples. Everyone will surely have fun at your Halloween party if you don these costumes.
Bert & Ernie
Everybody's favorite Sesame Street characters, Bert and Ernie is like your left and right hand. If one doesn't exist, there is just something missing. This makes a perfect gay couple costume idea.
Two Screws
Another funny gay couple costume idea that is a variation of the plug and plug costume. Instead of 2 plugs, use two screws for your costume which will definitely give a lot of laughs and giggles at your next Halloween party.
Dumb & Dumber
Sometimes we love to hate them but they just look so funny which makes them very adorable. Dumb and Dumber are like mirror images of each other. If you and your partner want to show the world that you are very much into each other then wearing this costume will tell subtly of your status.
Chip & Dale
This two chipmunks created by Walt Disney is another good costume idea for gay couples. You and your partner will surely have lots of fun dressing up as Chip and Dale. These chipmunks are known for their naughty disposition who are always pestering Donald Duck. Why not ask a friend to dress as Donald Duck to form a group costume.
Mario & Luigi
Who doesn't know of best pals Mario and Luigi from the Super Mario Bros. game which was very popular during the 80s. Dress up as this cute Italian plumber twins for lots of fun.
Batman and Robin
A classic gay couple costume idea. There is no better way to portray that you are a perfect couple than by dressing up as Batman and Robin. You and your partner will surely get giggles when you use dress up as the Dynamic Duo.
Wham!
Dress up as the British pop duo of the 80s. Become George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley at your next Halloween party. Wham! is one of the more popular pop bands of the 80s having sold over 25 million albums.
Peter Pan & Tinker Bell
Another costume idea that is a perfect fit for gay couples. You can be the boy from Neverland and your partner as the fairy, Tinker Bell If you prefer to portray a gentle character then dressing as Peter Pan and Tinker Bell is a good choice.
Wesley is blogger and editor at Halloween Costume Ideas For Couples. Costume Ideas For Couples is a website dedicated to provide you will the latest couples costume ideas.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Wesley_Yu
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